Soon: Chapter 14: Bia’s Miracle
Bia Balaam (that name…), evil atheist that she is, is wandering around Washington and enjoying the cherry blossoms. It’s May, well past natural blossom season, but Atheistopia has engineered the trees to bloom for weeks and weeks. This will be important for a point I want to make in a moment.
But first, forget the engineering of plants, you need to see the wonder of AWESOME ATHEIST UMBRELLAS!!!
Bia slipped the pen-sized titanium cartridge from her pocket, popping the lid with her thumb, and tapped the button. Her umbrella shot up, unfolding like a parachute above her head.
And once more, Atheistopia kicks ass and takes names. I mean seriously…
Holy bitsy bumpershoot, Batman!
Bia has taken out her Fantastical Atheist Umbrella OF THE FUTURE because it looks like rain, but in fact…
The downpour quickly intensified and [Bia's] umbrella grew heavy. But Bia didn’t smell water. Her legs and feet were dry, and no rain pooled on the pavement. Instead she saw drifts of pink and white petals.
She shook them off her (AWESOME ATHEIST) umbrella. …
Holding her (AWESOME ATHEIST) umbrella by the tip, she hooked a branch with the handle and bent it down into her hand. (AND THE PEN-UMBRELLA HAS A HOOKED HANDLE IS THERE ANYTHING IT CAN’T DO???) The end was shriveled. The bark was slowly mottling and withering all the way up the branch to the tree’s trunk. The tree was dying before her eyes.
Scientists would be scratching their heads over this one, but Agent Balaam already knew what her boss would say. He would recognize that it wasn’t natural and wasn’t a miracle, as some would claim. No, it was a shockingly bold and utterly despicable act of terrorism–worthy of ruthless, immediate reprisal.
(Additions mine. )
This is actually a fairly spookifying miracle, if a bit cartoonish. Here’s the problem, though–it is another miracle that doesn’t much look like a miracle. Now, we know, because this is a RTC end times book, that this is yet another Miracle Directly From God, but why should Bia think it is? If the trees can already be engineered to bloom for weeks and weeks, why can’t Evil Christian Terrorists engineer them to wither and die? Why should Atheist Bia think this is a miracle? I want to know!
Also: once again, an atheist is appalled by the destruction of nature. Aren’t we atheists supposed to be unable to truly appreciate beauty, according to the RTCs?
Also also: bonus points to Jenkins for the “scientists would be scratching their heads” bit. That’s a favorite of the creationist crowd.