Babylon Rising, Chapter 1, Part 2

So, Mike is falling because Methuselah told him to head to the roof, only to pull the floor out from under him or something.

Now, something seemed a bit…off…about all this, so I did what I always do when I have a question about physics (which happens a lot, as you may imagine) and called my brother.

He figures that it would take, at a generous estimate, two entire seconds to fall eight stories.

But I picture Mikey falling like a Warner Bros. character, falling for about 30 full seconds, taking a sip of tea, reading War and Peace, etc.  Because here are all the things he manages to do during the eight-story fall:

“In the fleeting seconds after he started his descent, his multitasking mind flashed on how beautiful Laura [his wife] had looked yesterday afternoon before she left for her plane, he offered up a quick prayer, and he forced himself to focus on his years of martial arts training…He settled on the combination he had come to call Cat’s Last Gasp…”

Now, I might, might, be able to give Mike credit for such “multitasking” if he had been in the military, or had some other kind of training that would allow him to bypass panic and react instinctively to an unexpected free-fall.  But the way this is written, makes it sound like Mike just immediately begins casually mulling over his options:

“Hmmm, I appear to be free-falling.  In such a situation, one must focus on the best position to place one’s body in so that the chance of injury will be reduced as much as possible.I could use Cat’s Last Gasp, or Dog’s First Whine, or Cockroach’s Mid-Point Scuttle…”

But, as it happens, he doesn’t have to worry about any of this.  Methuselah has put up a big net for Mikey.  Hidden away but able to be heard, Meth explains that “his people” set up the net (and apparently everything else to come).  The free-fall wasn’t the death trap, you see—

The death trap is for Mike to fight a lion so that he may retrieve the clue stored in a collar which has been placed around said lion’s neck.

So Meth’s people have 1) obtained a lion, 2) placed a collar with a clue around its neck, 3) transported it to a deserted warehouse in Raleigh, and 4) put up a net to catch the guy who’s going to fall through a hole in the roof to do battle with the lion.  All this while making sure their employer will stay hidden during the battle, but be able to be heard.

Methuselah’s people rock.

Having hopped down from the net, Mikey demands that Meth tease him about the archeological prize about to be won.  Meth’s only clue is that it has to do with the Book of Daniel.  Hence, Mike gets to play Daniel.  Daniel, lion, get it?  Ha!

Mike doesn’t so much battle the lion as he retreats back into the net.  Which is actually pretty smart.  He cuts down part of the net so it falls on the lion, then hops onto the floor and cuts down the other half, sorta-kinda trapping him.  He then knocks out the lion with a sandbag so he can grab the collar.

Oh, and remember those taunts about Mike’s faith?  Here are some insults to his religion, leveled by Meth during the lion fight.  As you can see, these will cut to the very core of anyone’s faith:

“For a usless Bible teacher, you got moxie…”

“…[the artifact] will make you the reigning king of your precious Bible circle…”

“…don’t get overconfident with your Bible-boy heroics…”

Prize in hand, Mike makes no effort to find Methuselah.  He half-heartedly interrogates him about the artifact, but, following Meth’s warning that some people will will Stop At Nothing To Get It, he simply heads off for home, none the worse for wear except for one lion swipe to the shoulder.

And thus ends Chapter One.  On to Babylon!

Posted on November 26, 2009, in Babylon Rising, Books and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Consumer Unit 5012

    Hello from a Slacktivista!

    “Bible-boy”…They really are Bibliolaters, aren’t they? Didn’t a simple “WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW???!” occur to them?

  2. Hello! Here from Slacktivist!

    Oh my word. The plot.. so atrocious. Honestly, at this point, fiction writing needs to get a restraining order against this man. Or at least the poor saps he cons into ghostwriting for him.

    And what does it say when his self-insert Gary Stu is named after his son-in-law? EW! EW! EW!

  3. Hi, arriving from Slacktivist too!
    I don’t know much about archaeology, but we have a group of sedimentary rocks in a city nearby where you can find fish fossiles at any glance, and it’s a big problem with smugglers who dig the fossiles to sell to tourists. One of the saddest things about it is that even when the police catches the smugglers, the fossiles they apprehend in warehouses already lost most of their value for Science because you lose all contextual info you’d get from seeing at what level they were buried, into what kind of rock, what other species were nearby, etc.
    I know that, when collecting specimens of plants and animals, location and enviroment notes are always taken too, and everything gets labelled and archived by the collection’s curator.
    So I wonder what Mike’s scholar colleagues would think of hmmm… “babylonian artifact, 2600 years old, tied up on lion’s neck, Raleigh”.

  4. I recently, accidentally rode a 15-foot ladder into the ground (spoiler alert: not as much fun as it sounds). It’s remarkable how quickly your mind races when you’re in freefall. I remember: hearing the ladder shake, realizing it was falling underneath me, seeing my hands reach for (and miss) the ledge of the building I was working on, examining my memory of my surroundings for anything I could reach out and grab, concluding that there was nothing, bracing for impact. And that all was in a less-than-two-story fall, and I have no helpful training in falling.

    So it’s possible that Michael Murphy would do all this in an eight-story fall, even if he’s as dumb as Paul Apostle.

  5. I think I just got stupider reading about that truly too stupid even for Saturday morning cartoons from the 70s plot.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: