Soon: Chapter 7: Trina Tells All

Paul heads back to work after two weeks of sick leave.  People have pointed out that two weeks seems a tad excessive for mere cuts and bruises, and I can confirm that from personal experience.  A few years ago, I broke my arm and wrist and hand in several places, necessitating surgery.  Multiple broken bones led to barely three weeks off.  Paul’s cuts and scrapes get him only a week less.

What a wuss.

Anyway, after his debriefing, Paul finds Trina waiting for him at his office.  Tart that she is, she is…

…perched on Felicia’s desk, legs crossed and a high heeled pump dangling from one toe.

The usual “flirtatious banter” ensues:

 “Hey, good lookin’,” she said.  “I was just writing you a note.  You look like you tangled with a cactus.”

“Last week I looked like I tangled with a grizzly.”

“Well, I’m sure you could lick a bear any day.”

You want him to lick a bear??? 

Why Trina, you dirty chick!

But Trina has more on her filthy, womany mind than mere bear-licking.  She also has the results of the tests she ran on the envelope Paul gave her.  The one his daddy’s “come to Jesus” letter was in.

Turns out the paper is of super-high quality, so we know that Paul Senior didn’t skimp when it came to his paint-by-numbers proselytizing.  Also, it’s hard to find such paper in Atheistopia, because…

 Today what little paper we use is made of reconstituted fibers from the plastics that used to be considered indestructible.

Holy.  Crap.  They make paper out of previously-unrecyclable plastic?

IS THERE ANYTHING THIS AWESOME WORLD DOES THAT IS NOT AWESOME???

Now, I know that to many RTCs, planning for the future, trying to preserve natural resources, “going green” are evil and/or pointless, what with TurboJesus coming soon to destroy save us all.  Heck, I’m probably just revealing my own heathenish depravity by being delighted at the thought of solar cars and cured cancer and plastic paper.  But I don’t care—I just can’t get over how much Atheistopia rocks!

I mean, damn, other than the murders, outlawing religion seems to be the best decision humanity ever made!

Paul speculates on Trina’s findings:

But of what she said was true, the letter could be real, a prospect that horrified Paul.

Yeah, we know it horrifies him.  Thanks for telling us for the seventeenth time in 60 pages, Jenkins.

But he had to know for sure–now more than ever, after his own near death.  The ink was key, Trina said, and handwriting analysis would add certainty.

Um, wouldn’t the person best equipped to do handwriting analysis…be Paul himself?  He has sole access to his mother’s house.  Surely in her piles and piles of old paperwork, there must be something with his father’s signature.

But Trina’s intuition and curiosity could be a problem.  The last thing Paul wanted was speculation about the letter all over the office.

Yeah, because you know how all chicks just love to gossip!  It’s what the ladies do to keep their little minds occupied, you know. 

I find it fascinating that Trina has used her intelligence and education and training to analyze the envelope, but to Paul, it’s just women’s intuition.

Scumbag.

Actually, there is always the possibility that Paul just doesn’t want to pay Trina for her work with more lunches.  Especially when she won’t even sleep with him, the little tease.

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Posted on March 3, 2011, in Books, Soon. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Today what little paper we use is made of reconstituted fibers from the plastics that used to be considered indestructible.

    OK, the second half of that is>/b> pretty awesome, but the first half is just ignorant. Paper is incredibly recyclable, and it’s drawn from a renewable resource. In tree-hugging, hippy land, the only change to paper is that it’s unbleached.

    • Inquisitive Raven

      Well, it won’t be made from trees either. Virgin paper will probably come from some fast growing annual like kenaf or hemp. As for making paper from plastic, I’d expect something like Tyvek would be the result. It’d be great for surviving the sort of conditions you’d find at a construction site, but it wouldn’t be fun to write on.

  2. …He regards a swarm of bruises as being like unto the aftermath of a fight with a GRIZZLY?!

    The only way Jenkins can possibly have this make sense is if he’s trying to imply that Atheistopia has drained away macho bravado (at least, macho bravado with regard to physical toughness).

    • Inquisitive Raven

      I consider it far more likely that he’s a city boy who has no idea what being mauled by a bear is like. Both the author and the character.

    • That would go hand in hand with his getting two weeks off for a bunch of scrapes and bruises. Atheistopia coddles the weak and injured.

      It’s not surprising that Jenkins would make this world a material utopia. Standard RTC boilerplate is that the Anti Christ will create what seems like a paradise but it will turn out to be false basically because God thinks it’s wrong for us to have nice things and will come to kick it all apart like a beach bully smashing some kids sand castle.

      • Kinda funny, considering all their claims that the world will go to shit if it wasn’t for their great moral guidance, and that the US will turn into a dystopia if the government won’t follow their Biblical interpetation.

        Their usual story is that allowing ‘unblblical’ practices is bad because it will lead to ruination. But this book turns that into ‘unbiblical practices are bad, therefor god will ensure there will be ruination’. Which instantly turns their entire moral framework into a list of arbitrary demands from an invisble but all-powerful spoiled brat. There’s no reason for the rules being as RTCs imagine they are. It’s just that god throws a temper tauntrum if we follow another set of perfectly servicable rules.

  3. >>>“Well, I’m sure you could lick a bear any day.”

    So Paul completely misunderstands Trina’s interest in him – it *is* sexuat, but it has nothing to do with *them* having sex; instead, she fantasises about Paul and big burly hairy gay men… I see.

  4. “Today what little paper we use is made of reconstituted fibers from the plastics that used to be considered indestructible. Now, you know this, Paul, just as you know which way to look when you cross the street. So why you had to involve me and my precious lab time… yeah, sure, I can do a handwriting analysis. It’s handwriting. Give me a comparison sample, you dolt. And don’t worry, I’ll put a formal reminder in your email so you won’t have to try to remember a conversation with a mere woman.”

  5. You want him to lick a bear???

    Why Trina, you dirty chick!

    Ugh, who’d want an innocent bear to have any contact with Paul, especially Paul’s tongue?

  6. I mean, damn, other than the murders, outlawing religion seems to be the best decision humanity ever made!

    Yeah, in reality I’m dead set against outlawing religion, but in a universe run on Jenkins rules, it’d be tempting. No war, amazing environmental technology, and solar-powered lasers? Okay, yeah, I’d end up in Hell, but that’s pretty much inevitable in a Jenkins universe.

    • Yeah, in Jenkinsworld you’re either a willing slave or going to hell, so you might as well have some fun on the way.


  7. I mean, damn, other than the murders, outlawing religion seems to be the best decision humanity ever made!

    Given that the premise of this world is apparently “J was right,” I’d say it makes perfect sense for “attempting to bring an end to the Golden Age and drag us all back into the Dark Age” to be illegal. Even to carry the death penalty, if anything does.

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