Heathen Critique’s First Ever Drawing: RIVEN Audiobook!

I’ve mentioned here in the past how much I love me some audiobooks on long car trips.  So, when I saw Riven on CD for $1, I was pretty happy, lemme tell ya.

And I tried, I really did.  But…I just can’t.

I can’t listen to that narrator.  I am very picky about my narrators.  Frank Muller rocked the Left Behind series and Steve Sever does a pretty damn fine job with the Underground Zealot series.  But the narrator of Riven sounds like he’s reading a bedtime story.  And not in an amusingly goofy way, either. 

HOWEVER, My Tastes Are Not Everyone’s Tastes.  This is merely my own opinion, and many other people might disagree. 

And I do not want to waste a perfectly good (or perfectly awful–it remains to be heard) audiobook about a felon who wants to be crucified.

Sooooo…if you would like your very own used copy of Riven on CD, just leave a comment below and say so and I will do a random-number-generator thing in a week and send the lucky winner the CDs!

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Posted on May 7, 2011, in Books. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. Choir of Shades

    I’m not on the list, but for prospective “buyers,” here’s my own take from reading the first half dozen chapters of the ebook, which I’m reading to perhaps do a similar review to Ruby, Fred, Mouse, and apocalypsereview:
    Pros:
    *Jenkins finally has gotten the hang of quick back and forth dialogue only needing the occasional “s/he said,” and he’s learned to diversify it a bit
    *It kind of halfway, if you squint at it from a certain angle seems like he’s starting to understand that other people have different lives and experiences than him.
    *He’s still just as hilariously unwilling to write anything “offensive,” such as vulgar words, and even writing such gems as “he flipped her an obscene gesture.”
    *It seems he finally understands (or at least can intentionally convey) that there can be unhealthy family relationships.
    *Not that much phone and travel fetishism and he even lampshades the phone obsession a little bit.
    *the main characters are named Brady Wayne Darby and Rev. Thomas Carey. No penis jokes or over-masculinized names here (correction: Thomas Carey’s prospective son-in-law is named Dirk Blanc, but he’s an eeeevil “spiritual non-atheist”).

    Cons:
    *The writing is still pretty miserable. It’s much better than most of his books, but it’s still drivel compared to, say, Dan Brown.
    *”Schizophrenic” does not do this book justice. By my estimation (as I said, ebook) he spends no more than 2 pages or so with any given character before switching POV.
    *As I said, I’ve only read a few chapters, but given that the forward is a love letter to the (most likely) South Carolina prison system for its brutality and execution rate*…

    Final say: If you can read his other works, you’ll probably be mostly pleasantly surprised (You still probably won’t be “pleased” though).

    ___________________________________
    * I say most likely South Carolina because almost everything he says about the “unnamed state” in which the story takes place is a dogwhistle for South Carolina, except that he mentioned the state is “landlocked” and that it’s execution rate is only rivaled by Texas, while South Carolina is actually relatively far down the list, around 8th or 9th (And Texas has more than 4 times the execution rate of second place, so I wouldn’t exactly say that Texas “rivals” anyone in that regard).

  2. Inquisitive Raven

    Can you put up a sample of the audio so people can decide how they feel about the narrator? I don’t think I’m interested in this ebook, but I do think anyone who is should get a chance to hear what they’re getting.

  3. Inquisitive Raven

    Audiobook, you’ve got the audiobook. It’s Choir of Shades who has the ebook. I can’t brain 2day. I haz teh stoopid.

  4. RE:Landlocked state w/Execution rate rivaled only by Texas:

    He might be referring to Oklahoma. Oklahoma’s second in the nation in executions and it’s landlocked.

    • Choir of Shades

      I noticed that statistic, except one of the “dogwhistles” I mentioned regarded said state’s secession in the Civil War and that it was a state with a proud 200 year history of thumbing its nose at Washington, and a string of “maverick governors.” Oklahoma wasn’t admitted as a full state until 1907. And according to Wikipedia, Virginia is ahead by 12, but not landlocked.

      Given that he says the state is a “landlocked island,” I’ll chalk it up to “I do not think that word means what you think it means.”

      Another claim he makes is that this state built and has maintained its highway system without federal money and that the state has no interstate highways (state highways connect to the interstate highways at the borders).. After some 10-20 minutes of googling I cannot find any existing state answering to that description, and in fact every single state gets federal highway money.

      Jenkins–Did not do the research…And therefore, nothing has changed.

      • Giving Jenkins all due fairness (I know, I know), are you sure he didn’t mean the place to be like Spingfield, USA (The Simpsons) or Salem, USA (Days of Our Lives)? That is, a place that could be any number of places, but isn’t meant to be any of them?

  5. Looking for reviews of Riven, I found this page.
    Check out the third review down – imho that’s the person who should have been narrating the book! 😀

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