‘Twas the Night Before: Chapter 18: The Great Christmas Novella…er, Column
Tom wakes up in the hospital.
“Wristband says Zwingli, Zurich. Switzerland?” [Tom asked]
“Zwingli International.” [the doctor “answered”]
Huldrych Zwingli was a Reformation leader from Switzerland, but I don’t see where he has a city named after him, or how the name “Zwingli International” means anything. Then again, I don’t speak German beyond “bier” and “Auf Wiedersehen.”
Anybody have any ideas?
Tom explains that he looted the corpses, and has to explain which things belong to which victim. Everyone is very kind and doesn’t mention the fact that they could have much more easily figured this out had Tom not looted in the first place.
Tom is counted “fortunate” that some kind stranger apparently found him in the middle of the Black Forest and lugged his ass all the way to the hospital.
Then he gets his phone back and is able to call his editor. Because Walt doesn’t believe it’s really Tom, Tom has to convince him using the patented Information Only We Would Know technique.
“Rufus is my buddy! Noyer is a butt!”
That’s our cynical, South-Side-of-Chicago-raised, globe-trotting reporter: the man with the insults of a first-grader.
It’s so cute when RTC writers are hampered by curse words making the Baby Jesus cry.
Speaking of Rufus, he’s the one who gets to call Noella and inform her of the joyous news:
“Hey, Rufe,” she said wearily.
“Sit down, hon,” he said.
“Did they find the body?”
“Tell me you’re seated, and I’ll tell you latest.”
Rufus was sweet. A bit chauvinistic, but she humored him.
This is a common Jenkins theme, seen on a number of occasions in the Left Behind series: misogyny is cute. It’s so adorable when the men’s condescension and fear cause them to belittle and insult you, but you just have to smile and let them have their fun. Boys will be boys, and there’s no harm, is there?
Tom writes his Very Special Christmas Column on the way back to the States. He has a stopever in London, where a big point is made out Tom discovering…
…an exclusive shop where he selected three perfect handmade gifts.
I’m sure he’ll have the money to burn, because the story of Santa’s workshop is apparently ZOMG AMAZING. As Tom’s own editor puts it:
“…everybody says the series has Pulitzer written all over it. Reader’s Digest wants exclusive magazine rights.”
And if that wasn’t quite enough of how UTTERLY FANTASTIC the trip to Fairyland was:
“We’re printing around the clock and already have more requests for copies than of any other piece ever, including the moon landing and all the Bulls’ championships.”
Really? Huh. So
Jenkins’ Tom’s story of Santa and elves and a workshop is so incredibly amazing, so unheard of, that it has become, OVERNIGHT, better than the MOON LANDING?
I am officially calling bullshit.
And finally, Noella’s reaction:
Noella had devoured Tom’s account of the necklace-manufacturing process in the Tribune Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. She loved Fairyland and the warm and wonderful Mrs. Kringle.
That is what stood out to Noella? The opiate Smuckers?
But, Noella, there is so much more! The enslaved elves! The unjust denial of gifts to children whose parents don’t believe!
He wrote with the same passion as always, including specific, nitty-gritty things that made her feel as if she were there with him.
There she goes again, confusing details with emotions. Just like learning the ages of poor children made her feel cold.
Tom and Noella have now switched places: Tom believes and Noella has convinced herself that her Forever and a Tree necklace must have been from her father.
HOW WILL THEY RESOLVE THEIR DIFFERENCES NOW THAT TOM HAS
PRAYED THE PRAYER VISITED FAIRYLAND???