Soon: Chapter 36: The End?
Or is it…just the beginning???
DUN DUN DUNNNN
Lovely Juliet Peters arrives “shyly“:
She was a curvaceous blonde in a white strapless gown, her trademark platinum mane reaching to her impossibly tiny waist.
Curvaceous but with an impossibly tiny waist? Jenkins really doesn’t know anything AT ALL about women’s body types, does he?
Juliet turns out to be less shy than indicated earlier in the same page of this book. By the time dessert is served, she is making jokes about “the coming judgment of God,” and everyone is laughing about it. Everyone but Paul and Jae, of course, because Paul really needs to redouble his crap-so-far efforts to act happy with the NPO.
Paul slurps down his sorbet, thinking that the inhuman Bia Balaam is possibly able to read his thoughts. (Pro tip, Paul: Your thoughts are not that difficult to discern.)
AND JUST AT THAT MOMENT THE JUDGMENT OF GOD HAPPENS ARE YOU READY?????
BOOM GOES GOD
And out of freaking nowhere, the water is gone.
Someone cried out, and Paul looked up just in time to see one of the women in the pool plunge down a slide and slam into the dry bottom with a sickening thud.
But hey, why would Paul be concerned with the grievous injuries of another human being when there are so many interesting things to look at?
Paul studied the table. Even the liquid in the food had evaporated. The fruit tart had shriveled. The sorbet was colored powder. The wineglasses held a gooey residue.
Atheistopia has become such a sad, sad place.
(Picture from Ben’s Wine Reviews)
WHY IS THE WINE GONE???
This is actually a pretty effective miracle. All of the water is gone: not just the “regular” water in glasses and pools, but all moisture in anything.
Paul looked at the grass on the beautiful sprawling lawn under the lights. It was withering. By tomorrow it would be brown.
Um…girl…pool…massive injuries, Paul? Did you want to help her, or not, or…
Ranold is kinda having a mild panic attack, shaking, “lips trembling.”
And Bia is being awesome. Despite the fact that she is “tottering” in her heels (hey, you try wearing high heels, Jenkins!), she is running to her car, presumably to call for help. Hell, she’s DOING SOMETHING, which is more than I can say for Paul, sitting there with his stupid face.
The mighty Lord and Creator of the universe had withdrawn every drop of water in the wicked city. The word would spread throughout the land, and underground believers would rise up with confidence and strength, boldly proclaiming the message of faith. The powers that be would stop killing the people of God, or they would all wither like the grass and die.
Oh, THAT’S NICE.
Can I add that this is NOT what was the
Bold Manifesto threat said:
If the army does not immediately withdraw and leave us to worship in peace, we believe [God drying up the water supply to the city] will come to pass. When it happens—and it will happen—you will know God has acted. To prevent it, we call on all affected citizens to rise up and force the powers that be to change their cruel and unjust laws against people of faith.
Okay. This threat was written yesterday, Friday. It went viral today, Saturday, probably around noon at the earliest (while Paul and Jae were at the mall). It is now Saturday night. The party was in full swing by six, and since they are eating dessert when the miracle hits, it is probably nine at the latest.
So, the atheists have had nine hours, tops, from the time they knew of the threat to the carrying out of the threat, to force the army to withdraw and to rise up and force the government to change laws that have been in place for over thirty years.
NINE HOURS OR LESS TO BEGIN, EXECUTE, AND WIN A NATIONAL REVOLUTION
Nice entrapment, God. Well played.
I don’t think this is the most dickish the RTC God has ever been. After all, there was that one time he ruined a man’s life and killed his children ON A BET, and that other time he flooded the entire planet (but more on that in the next book I dissect). But this is still pretty frakking awful—his minions threaten humanity, giving them a timetable about the length of the average workday, then he dessicates an entire city when its inhabitants cannot live up to his sudden and outrageous demands.
And that’s it.
That’s the end of Soon. The only reactions to this miracle we see are panic from Ranold and Tiny, Bia being awesome, and Paul sitting on his ass and probably contemplating what a smooth move he made defecting to the enemy mere weeks before this crap was unleashed.
Somehow, I think Michael Murphy will be a breath of fresh air.