TSoA: Chapter 13: The First Noah Chapter
Just as in Babylon Rising, The Secret on Ararat contains multiple chapters written all in italics, as we venture back to the time of whatever archeological treasure Michael Murphy is pursuing. These chapters assure us that Murphy is completely right in every hypothesis, lest we doubt his all-knowingness.
This first Noah chapter takes place pre-ark, as we learn that Noah was quite the bad-ass soldier in his day. Sure, he’s several centuries old, but that doesn’t mean he can’t command a bitchin’ army against some dude named Zattu. Zattu and his army are trying to invade…wherever Noah and his family are living now. And because it just wouldn’t do for Noah to be Just Some Soldier, he is in charge of everyone, especially his sons (Ham, Shem, and Japheth), who are basically his lieutenants. They pour scalding water onto the invaders from atop the walls of The City, and Zattu and his men retreat.
(Now, damned if I can find anything about Noah being some tough-as-nails warrior in the Bible. Not seeing anything on his Wiki page, either. So, is LaHaye just blowing smoke here, or is there something I’m not seeing?)
Turns out this is no joke, because as supplies are running low and they’re getting ready to arm the children against Zattu’s next attack, Tubal-cain and his army arrive Just in the Nick of Time, kicking ass and taking names with “singing swords” which apparently cannot break.
PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER
This all takes waaaaay too long and I’m getting bored, so the upshot is that Zattu’s ass is kicked again, and Tubal-cain convinces Noah to Bravely Run Away to the forest of Azer.
Now, Noah and Tubal-cain don’t know this, but all those trees will certainly come in handy when Noah needs to build a Big Giant Boat.
Blah blah blah God talks to Noah and tells him to build his big boat WE ALREADY KNOW THIS PART
God also tells Noah that everyone but his family will be killed in a flood, and despite this, Noah seems quite blasé about Tubal-cain just wishing him well and then riding off into the sunset. I guess it’s okay that Tubal-cain will horribly drown, because he gives Noah a Singing Sword and a box of stuff that will help him build the ark.
So long, Tubal-cain. You were enjoyed. Sorry about the whole drowning thing.