TSoA: Chapter 20: Subterranean Smog

Hey, everybody—there’s a secret cabal of anti-Christian evildoers in this book!

The Seven!

I’d almost forgotten about them, what with the riveting chapters of marital advice and the intense YOUTH RETREAT ACTION.

The Seven pride themselves on the Gothic Horror experience they can create: they are in their “cavernous dining room” in their “subterranean vault,” and have used the dimmer switch to lower the lights and enjoy the gigantic fireplace with the smoking logs…

Which seems quite dangerous to me, seeing that they’re way underground, but I’ve just been reading about the Donora smog incident of 1948.

The Seven have gathered to be Gothic and spooky and to discuss matters of anti-Christianity, world domination, and Michael Murphy.

Having chowed down on “wild boar stuffed with quail” (really), they cover the basics quickly:

“We are allowing Professor Murphy to do some…spadework for us,”

“Of course, when he has outlived his usefulness he will be eliminated.”

Yeah. I’ll believe that when I see it.

And just remember, everyone, when you Stand Up For Your Faith (as long as that faith is Christianity), you become an enemy of evil world-destroying cabals.

So now that THE MOST IMPORTANT CHRISTIAN IN TEH ENTIRE WORLD out of the way, discussion can move on to other issues of worldwide importance.

“Great strides toward our goal.  The leaders of 138 nations have joined together endorsing the establishment of a World Court.  The European Community gets nearer to becoming a single nation.”

Europe is evil, guys.  This will become ever more apparent in the later books.

“Christianity is under attack in America and throughout the world.”

Oh yeah, being a Christian is sooooo hard.  American Christians are so persecuted.  So many American Christian marytyrs these days!  Why, I hear that sometimes, there are even people of other faiths who HANG OUT IN THE WORLD.

“Through our influence it will soon be a byword for intolerance and cruelty.”

Aw man, The Seven are giving themselves waaaaay too much credit here.  They’ll never do as good a job of that as the Christians themselves.

Still though, must be nice for LaHaye’s readers.  They can comfort themselves that sure, they may stand against LGBT rights and reproductive freedom, but it’s not like they’re being intolerant and cruel!  That’s just the evil atheist conspiracy doing that!

“Through Barrington Communications and our access to cable-TV news channels, our agenda is gaining ground in the media.”

Yep, you can’t turn on the news these days without hearing worshipful praise for the idea of a one-world government and a one-world currency.  Those ideas are super-popular right now.  Also moving the capital of the whole world to Iraq.  That, too.

They conclude their vague-but-evil scheming by expressing their “desperate, almost childlike” hope that the Antichrist will show up soon.

Oh!  Remember the English cleric, Sir William Merton, the guy who used to be friends with Isis’s dad and may or may not have had a hand in his death?  He’s demonic, turns out.

His voice became deeper and echoed strangely through the chamber.  Those across the table could see s slight red glow in his eyes in the flickering light.

Looks like Merton is positioning himself to be the Antichrist’s False Prophet (this series’ Leon Fortunato, for those familiar with the Left Behind series).

Oh, and as a grand finale to their little evil evening, The Seven (they’ll stop at nothing!) hurl their full wineglasses into the gigantic Gothic fireplace.

So in addition to being evil one-currency Antichrist fans, The Seven like to WASTE PERFECTLY GOOD WINE.

Jerks.

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Posted on October 23, 2012, in Books, The Secret on Ararat. Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. inquisitiveraven

    Ummm, wait. Hasn’t there been a world court for like, decades? At least since WW II? Did LaHaye and company somehow miss this?

  2. So is this underground, well ventilated vault dining-room thing carpeted? I hope they were drinking white.

  3. The European Community gets nearer to becoming a single nation

    THIS is the reaction of every European to that statement.

  4. Wild boar stuffed with quial? How boorish. There should be at least three animals in between those two meats. Now, something like boar stuffed with swan stuffed with veal stuffed with pheasant stuffed with goose stuffed with quail stuffed with squirrel would be sufficiently decadent. Or go full scale evil and serve exquisitely prepared vegetarian menu.

    • Also, you drink the toast first and then break the glass.

    • The fact that boar is on the menu implies that — perhaps for the first time — Tim LaHaye has written an anti-Christian, media-manipulating global conspiracy NOT run by Jews. That’s almost like progress, right?

      • I’m not sure they realize boar is pig. Is it commonly used to refer to male of the species over there? I mean, it’s not uncommon that people in developed countries know jack shit about where their food comes from, and with a different name and all that…

  5. Oh, man, that’s going to smell really bad.

    Also: wild boar is yummy.

    inquisitiveraven, yes, but the USA withdrew from it in 1986 (at the shocking suggestion that supporting the Nicaraguan Contras wasn’t actually the best thing EVAR) so obviously in LaHayeworld it doesn’t exist any more.

    Geri Corvus, your link doesn’t seem to have made it through.

  6. Am I the only one who is reminded of lines said by villains of Chick Tracts when he reads these quotes?

  7. Oh for fuck’s sake LaHaye. Really? Your villains themselves speak of ‘attacking’ Christianity, and making it a byword for intolerance and cruelty? What shred of credibility your villains had left at this point is firmly obliterated with this Dick Dastardly “Who’s evil? We’re evil! Gimme an E, gimme a V gimme an I, gimme a L” bullshit. Ugh.

    I’m reading Honor Harrington at the moment. It does annoy me there that as we go on in the series, we basically introduce new characters by having old characters who have been confirmed as ‘competent’ talk about how competent they think the new guys are. Only afterwards is the audience allowed to see a POV chapter from those new characters, which invariably proves that the initial guess was spot on. Seriously, any two characters who we’re supposed to like will always like each other if they’ve ever heard the other’s name before. And a character we’re supposed to like and one we’re not supposed the like will hate each other with the same intensity as the audience is supposed to feel. Good guys/girls are never wrong about other people, the most that can happen is that a not-quite-good-guy realizes how stupid he’s been for denying that Honor is awesome. The only slight exception I can think of is two bigwig admirals who dislike each other personally but do respect the other’s competence.

    But as deterministic as the good/bad character dynamics are, the bad guy POV chapters at least show the bad characters think they have excuses for what they do. Even Pavel Young, easily and by far the most reprehensible character I’ve seen so far (Think Paul Stepola in the hands of an author who realizes what a jerk he is and lets him respond as you’d expect from his established character when the universe isn’t written around him and you’re pretty close) is at least portrayed as thinking he’s the one being treated badly. And rest assured, it’s still unsubtle enough that even LaHaye’s unimaginative audience ought to catch on*. But, like any writer who’s not a complete hack, this writer realizes that real human characters do not speak like this. Unless your villain is supposed to be funny (Xykon, Black mage, The Joker kinda), this crap doesn’t work.

    Oh, and why are they looking forward to being at best the Anti Christ’s towel boys and girls? If they know enough about it to know he IS the Anti Christ, they can’t really have missed the part where he becomes the ruler, not them.

    Still, “desperate, almost childlike” hope that the Anti Christ will show up soon is a pretty good description of some of the posts on the Rapture Ready forum. Well, they’re technically desperately and childlike-y looking forward to the Anti Anti Christ’s entrance which comes slightly before it, but it’s pretty close. And they do believe that the AAC and the AC are a package deal, so the comparison is fair as far as I’m concerned.

    *Though now that I think about it, if his POV sections were to add a few references to Jesus, and replace ‘Honor’ with ‘Bia’, you could paste quite large sections into Paul’s inner monologues and you would barely notice. His mysoginy and planet-sized ego fit so well with Paul’s, the difference only becomes pronounced when he does admit Honor is in a way attractive.

  8. Who controls the British crown?
    Who keeps the metric system down?
    We do, we do!
    Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
    Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
    We do, we do!

    Hey, everybody—there’s a secret cabal of anti-Christian evildoers in this book!

    Don’t worry, at the end you learn it was Grover all along!

  9. I wonder if the casting of full wineglasses into a fire is supposed to be Phillips’s idea of a Black Mass ritual. The usual conceit is that diabolist ceremonies are reversions of Christian ones. Basic Christian ritual: Partaking of communion wine as a mystical blood of the Christ. Here: Instead destroying that wine/blood as a kind of destruction of the Christ in effigy.

    • That’s a cool idea, though perhaps too subtle for LaHaye. 😀

      And granted, they were almost full—as Rakka pointed out, they toasted first, then threw the glasses.

      Still, WASTEFUL. You only need a sip to toast.

  10. I just… can’t get over how cartoonish these villains are. And then there’s the fact that these are precisely the kind of villains RTCs think are actually after them.

    What does it say about a group of people when they actually believe they’re the targets of a bunch of comic book villains?

  11. This comparison may be totally off base BUT

    “The Seven” suddenly makes me think of The Final Five from BSG 2003.

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