TSoA: Chapter 27: Isis Kicks Ass (No, Really)

Murphy is still “quietly fuming” (hell, I’m surprised that he’s quiet about it) as they leave the CIA building.  But Isis actually talks him down:

“You and Welsh have a history.  I just think he’s stonewalling because he doesn’t like you.”

Of course, sensible though Isis is, we know she’s wrong.  It’s a conspiracy, I tells ya!  A conspiracy with UFOs and international bankers and black helicopters to keep the ark a secret!

To further placate him, Isis suggests a little tour of Washington before Murph catches his flight back to North Carolina.  (Wait, he flew all the way there when he wasn’t even assured he would get what he wanted?  The hell?)

So, why is it that the action sequences slow this movie down?

-Tom Servo, MST3K, #516 Alien from L.A.

Isis quickly sees that their cab is not going towards the Washington Monument, as she had directed.  (Take Murphy to the most phallic monument in the world—sounds appropriate to me!)  Then the cab stops and two big goons with guns squash in with Our Heroes.

A word Levi had spoken sprang into [Murphy’s] mind.

Spooks.

Which meant he would need to be careful.

Um, Murph, you’re already in a cab with two armed thugs.  Methinks the time to be careful has already passed.

The goons blindfold them and take them to what looks like an interrogation room.

And let’s just say that Murphy doesn’t have the mad manipulation skillz of Black Widow:

“Considering how many important people you’ve riled up, you don’t look like much,” [the goon] said.

Side note: I’m like it that Murphy gets insulted a lot.

“Which important people would that be exactly?” Murphy asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.

The man scowled.  “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe I’m the one with the gun.  That means I get to ask the questions.”

HA!  Murphy got told!

Not that it much matters, because the goons are only supposed to kill them, not interrogate them.

But it’s okay because ISIS SAVES THE DAY AGAIN.

I can’t even believe I’m writing this in this book, but she does.  She fakes a seizure, distracting the goons for a moment.

“I hope you’re doing what I think you’re doing,” Murphy muttered under his breath…

Oh fer…

MURPHY, GET WITH THE PROGRAM!

a.  Isis travelled to other countries with you, just the two of you—don’t you think she would have mentioned a seizure disorder?

b.  Whether she’s faking or not, does it really matter at this precise moment?

Anyway, Murphy goes with it, kicking the one goon where the sun don’t shine, while Isis JUMPS onto the other one, holding on with her handcuffed hands.

But in a second, one of the goons gets the drop on Murph, so ISIS SHOOTS HIM IN THE HEAD.

Er, the goon.  Not Murphy.

Unfortunately.

And from a “fighting stance,” Murphy dispenses the last goon, and they beat cheeks out of there.

I…just…

WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE???

DID I PICK UP A DIFFERENT BOOK BY ACCIDENT???

*checks*

Nope.

Wow.

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Posted on January 6, 2013, in Books, The Secret on Ararat. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Ummmm . . . . that one word Levi told Murphy . . . . I have two definitions for “spooks.” One is a somewhat old-fashioned word for ghosts, and the other is a racial slur. I’ve never heard it used a term for hired thugs. (I’m just desperately hoping that’s what the author meant, vs, say, the racial slur.)

    And holy crap — an actual, competent action sequence! One in which Isis is at her kick-assiest. And one in which Murphy gets insulted. Of course, it still has nothing to do with Ararat but my gosh!

    • Redwood Rhiadra (@redwoodr)

      “Spook” is American vernacular for “spy” (applicable for anyone from James Bond to former CIA Director George H W Bush). It’s actually kind of odd to see it used for generic muscle, though.

      • I feel the same way – to me a spook is a guy who pulls at least some strings behind the scenes, not someone who just does what he’s told. The time to think “spooks – I need to be careful” would be on the flight to DC.

        I picture at least one version of meta-Isis working with the CIA to set this whole thing up, Mission Impossible style – “OK, that guy’s dead, now we have to get out of DC”… though traditionally they’d have put the blank-firing gun in Murphy’s hands.

      • Yeah, if these dudes are honest-to-gosh “spooks” and not just generic goons, then Isis just murdered a CIA agent. That’s … going to cause problems for our heroes in the future, presumably.

  2. Oh yeah, also, if you just want to kill someone, you don’t need to get all complicated about it. Taxi driver parks in bad neighbourhood, hits central locking on passenger compartment, runs away. Shooters shoot up the car while occupants are still trying to work out what’s going on and get out. Job done, just another gang-related murder for the police to worry about.

  3. Huh, a legitimate action scene, and Isis getting her share of the kills? Gotta admit, wasn’t expecting that.

    Though why would the goons be overly distracted by a fake seizure if they’re trying to kill these two people? A prison guard rushing to save a sick prisoner is genre-blind but understandable, but why would an executioner care? Or will they only get payed if they shoot them? At best, it should give them time to shoot Murphy first (yeah!) before checking to see if they need to waste bullets on Isis.

    And now we’re supposed to think the CIA (it can’t be the Seven yet, unless they’ve given up their plan to use Murphy off-screen) has a protocol in place to have people picked up by a fake cab and exectued mere minutes after asking questions in the CIA headquarters about Mount Arat? Has it occured to LaHaye at any point that he’s still alive so the evil secular forces aren’t quite that blatant (yet. Muhahaha!). Oh well, if the shadowy evil conspirators can’t now nail Murphy and Isis for double homicide, they don’t deserve the job.

  4. Has it occured to LaHaye at any point that he’s still alive so the evil secular forces aren’t quite that blatant (yet. Muhahaha!).

    Of course not. LaHaye knows that he is God’s protected champion, whose right to whine miraculously remains inviolate despite the best efforts of the terrifying Satanic forces who rule the world and commit brutal acts of oppression like…(I can barely say it)…like comparing Glorious Appearing to the desires of those horrible not-nice Muslim terrorists!

    It’s like when Nicolae bombards the true believers with fire and they’re unscathed.

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Round Up, January 11th, 2012 « The Slacktiverse

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