Monthly Archives: February 2013

TSoA: Chapter 37, Part 2: Obi-Wan Again

Murphy, Fearless Gum-Popping Leader, and Token Turk (the revised A Team, I suppose) are clearing the last of the supplies from Camp 2, when bad-ass Jedi puppy-killer Obi-Wan shows up again.

Fearless is distrustful of the Obi-Wan, but when the Jedi Master asks Murphy what they are doing, Murphy levels with him.

Obi-Wan tells them that this is not the ark they’re looking for (okay, he doesn’t, but it would be cool if he did) and asks them why they want to find it.

Murphy levels with him again (or, perhaps, is subject to Force Persuade)…

“It would be a great thing for our faith.  Faith in Jesus Christ.  And the word of God.”

Satisfied, due to his Jedi mind-whammy, that Murphy is telling the truth, Obi-Wan reveals that the ark is located in a specific valley, and tells them how to get there.

“I have climbed there many times.  It has been a mild winter this year on the mountain.  Almost half of the ark is there for you to see.  The rest of it is in a glacier.  Most times the whole boat is covered with snow.”

It’s just that simple!

So, Murphy’s “plan” to wander randomly around the mountain and hopefully bump into the boat is improved by this stranger!

No doubt sent by God Himself.

Because that’s the kind of stand-up guy God is.

TSoA: Chapter 37, Part 1: Need to Know

Okay, now things get confusing.  At the end of the last chapter, we get the following:

When [the Nerd] regained consciousness, [Fearless] was feeding him a glucose drink and the rest of the team were huddled around.

Murphy was the first to speak.  “Where’s [Señor SEAL]?”

“He’s gone,” said [Fearless] simply.

“What do you mean gone?”

“He dies trying to save [the Nerd].”

Murphy winced.  “In don’t know what to say.”

“No, you don’t understand,” [Fearless] said, his voice choking with emotion.  “Someone cut his rope.  He was murdered.”

Okay, so now we readers and the whole team know what happened.  I didn’t think this was a big deal until the beginning of this chapter.  It’s the next morning:

At dawn the others [everyone except Murphy] struggled out of their tents.  It didn’t look as if anyone had had much sleep.  They slowly gathered together in the cooking area and shared mugs of steaming tea…

These people need to learn to pack enough cups for everyone.  This is just gross.

…waiting for Murphy to address them.

Speak to us, Wise One!!!

“Okay, listen up.  I’ve got some bad news to share with you.  [Fearless] thinks [Señor SEAL’s] death was not an accident.  Somebody deliberately cut his rope.  He was murdered.”

There were gasps from around the campfire.

But…wait…DIDN’T THEY ALREADY KNOW THIS???

The Dick freaks out, so I guess not.

BUT THEY SAID…

…the rest of the team were huddled around.

Grrr…

So…what, Murphy and Fearless didn’t tell anyone else through the whole evening and overnight?  Not even Token Turk, WHO TOOK A WATCH IN THE NIGHT???

That might have been information that he would have been interested in having.

Sigh.

Anyway, Murphy gets a tad impatient when Token Turk and the Nerd start asking questions.  After all…

“I told you before,” Murphy said.  “There are people who want to stop us from finding the ark.  Or maybe they want us to lead them to it, and then…” He trailed off.

“Dr. McDonald and I have had some experience of what I can only call evil forces at work in the world.  Powerful, ruthless people who will stop at nothing to get what they want.  I believe they could be responsible for [Señor SEAL’s] death.  And I have no reason to think they’ll stop there,” he added grimly.

Gee, where have we heard this before?

“The fact is,” Murphy [said], “somebody knows about this expedition and doesn’t want it to succeed.  Right now I can’t tell you who that somebody is.  But I can tell you that they are ruthless and will stop at nothing to get whatever it is they want.”

So, Murph, you ready to tell the rest of the team “who that somebody is,” NOW THAT A MAN IS DEAD?

Guess not.

Murphy calls for a vote—leave or stay.  The Nerd leads the charge for staying, given that a man lost his life for him.  Which is kinda sweet.

What’s not so sweet is this:

“We’ve made it this far.  Might as well go the distance.  We all want to be famous, don’t we? said [The Dick] with a forced laugh.

I admire the way the Dick always manages to be so dickish.

Murphy, meanwhile, begins to wonder about the possible ulterior motives of the other team members.

Note: this is what a badass mystery-solver looks like:

Marple3

(The incomparable Geraldine McEwan in The Moving Finger.  ZOMG watch it!)

And you, Michael Murphy, are no Jane Marple.

***

The rest of this day is given over to moving everything to a yet-higher camp.

Oh, and Vern shows up.

No, not to help them move the shit up the mountain or anything.  Just to reassure them that Señor SEAL’s body is irretrievable because it fell too far.

Seriously, Vern flew up the mountain to check on the fall of Señor SEAL, then to fly over the team and wave at them…then to leave.

Really.

Murphy and Vern chat on their satellite phones:

“Murph, I’m going to head back.  There’s not much I can do here.  Keep in touch.  I’m praying for you guys.  If you find the ark, let me know!”

“Thanks, Vern.  It’s good to see you flying.  We’re looking forward to a comfortable ride home in a few days.  Over and out.”

Um, so if Vern can’t help with anything but the ride back down the mountain, why was such a big deal made about his lack of permission to go up the mountain?

Sheesh.

TSoA: Chapter 36, Part 2: Good on Mountains

The whole crew heads out the next day for some exploring.  Yanno…just general exploring…around.

Things go to shit almost immediately—Larry the Photo Guy steps off a cornice and the rest of the team has to yank him back up again.  Then the Nerd (he’s good on mountains!) gets altitude sickness, and Señor SEAL stays behind to get The Nerd hydrated and back in fighting form (so to speak).

Almost four full pages are spent with the Nerd and the Señor attempting to get back to the others, a plan foiled by the Nerd being…a nerd.  You know how nerds are, right?  All with the klutziness and the falling and the “screaming frantically,” so that big, strong Manly Men have to yell perfect instructions and rescue the nerds.

And then, even when they’re rescued, nerds’ willpower will be gone, which will necessitate Manly Men leaving them for a few minutes and climbing up mountains so they can lower ropes to nerds and pull the nerds up…

Man, I’m getting tired just writing about it.  Who invited this nerd along, anyway?

You’d think they’d want someone who could handle himself on a mountain.

Sigh.

As we all learned from slasher films and English murder mysteries, NEVER GO OFF ON YOUR OWN.  The hockey-mask Jason or the seemingly-respectable-but-actually-malevolent barrister will find a way to kill you.

And as Señor SEAL lowers himself yet again back down the mountain to collect the Nerd…

The knife was gently taken from its hiding place.  The hand slowly reached out and the blade lightly touched the rope.  The orange rope exploded and disappeared.  One frayed end blew frantically in the strengthening wind.

IT WAS THING ALL ALONG!!!

The Nerd actually sees Señor SEAL slide past him like greased lightning, and sail off the cliff.

So his death is pretty final.  Then again, in an English murder mystery, you can never be one hundred percent sure unless you see the dead body.

And sometimes, not even then.

Anyway, Señor SEAL is nothing if not stoic—the Nerd hears not a peep as he flies past.

“FU–iiieeeeeeeeeee!!!!”

But the Nerd need not fear.  His nerdliness may have indirectly caused the death of his compatriot, but Fearless Gum-Popping Leader has turned back to find them, and saves the Nerd himself.

Oh, and to complete his nerdidity, the Nerd passes out just as Fearless gets to him.

Good on mountains, he is.

 

ALSO—

I think Loquat may have been the first to predict Señor SEAL as the first to go.  If anyone else called the Señor, congrats!

And now…who will be next?

TSoA: Chapter 36, Part 1: No Danger Here

After the encounter with Obi-Wan Kenobi and the vicious puppies of adorableness, Murphy takes a moment to touch base with Vern Peterson.

It is truly amazing to imagine how much death and suffering of puppies could have been avoided had Murphy only waited until Vern could fly them up the mountain.

But, in fact, looks like it will be another 48 hours until Vern can make it to them.  Well, that will conveniently open the door for yet more disaster.

“How’s it going with you and the team?” [asked Vern]

[Murphy] hesitated.  “We’ve had our share of excitement.”

“Yeah, two of our team members were held at gunpoint, and Isis was kidnapped and we had to kill three men to get her back.  A bit of excitement, yes.”

I wonder if Murphy is planning ever to tell Vern about all the excitement.  Vern, let us remember, took this job because he desperately needs the money to support his growing family.  And at the time, Murphy saw no need to inform Vern or his wife about the extra-sepcial dangers posed by Talon and the “spooks.”

After all, if they had known, Vern might have said no.

“Don’t worry, Vern.  We’ll move the supplies up to Camp Two by backpack.”

Um, isn’t that what you were planning to do anyway, Murph?  Yanno, before your little field trip to traverse an ice field for no apparent reason?

[Vern] wanted to be on the mountain, where the action was.

Really?  Yeah, this family man would love to be kidnapped, I bet.  Would love to be threatened by wild puppies and guns and Obi-Wan Kenobi.  A story to tell your kids, if you survive.

“And, Vern, it’s not over yet.  You’ll get your fair share of the excitement.”

“Roger that!”

Murphy cut the connection.  Be careful what you wish for, Vern, he thought to himself.

What, as opposed to thinking to someone else?  Also, you are the one not giving him the complete picture, Murphy.  Tell him everything, and then tell him to be careful what he wishes for.

If Julie knew what was going on, she’d skewer me like a hog.

But even though this is an incredibly dangerous expedition that has been tracked by a psychotic killer who works for a group bent on world domination, I see no reason why I should have told Vern and Julie, Murphy thought to himself.

So, the team shleps the supplies three thousand more feet up the mountain, and Murphy attempts some lame flirting with Isis.

“There’s nothing for dogs up here.” [said Isis]

“Except us,” Murphy said.

She laughed.  “Tempting morsel though I may be, I don’t think they’d climb three thousand feet through snow and ice for the privilege.”

“More fools them,” Murphy said, and she blushed despite the chill.

Yeah, after seeing dogs eating men and after sifting through the gross and bloody remains, this is a perfect subject for flirting.

Isis, don’t let your head be turned!  The Nerd is just waiting for you!  Also, come to think of it, Larry the Photo Guy and his possibly-creepy-but-also-possibly-cute picture-taking of you!

You have options, girl.  Plenty of fish on the mountain.

TSoA: Chapter 35: Moar Puppies!!!

You’d think that a chapter about fighting off a pack of wild dogs would be exciting.

You would be wrong.

Murphy wants to go examine the remains of the gunmen that Token Turk killed, but first there are more important things, like sleeping and breakfast.

…Murphy was sharing a mug of steaming tea with Isis…

Wait, they’re sharing the same mug?  They haven’t so much as held hands, but they’re drinking tea from the same cup?  Somehow, I find that both intimate and gross.

(Don’t get me wrong.  There’s nothing wrong with couples sharing cups or spoons or whatever.  But Murphy and Isis are not a couple.  I do not drink out of my friends’ cups, be they guy friends or girl friends.)

It was all he could do not to hug her to him…

Why don’t you hug her, you repressed jerk?  Why don’t you tell her you like-her-like-that, that you have Special Feelings for her?  Why do you get off on thinking about a woman you have never touched?

…but she seemed to be happy he was simply there.

That’s quite an assumption there, Murph, and you know what happens when we ASSUME.  After all, another person who is there is The Nerd.  You know, the guy who actually hugged Isis after her ordeal.

Token Turk, The Nerd, and The Dick all think the gunmen were Kurdish rebels who like to kidnap tourists, but, as with the Shroud of Turin, Murphy is Not Convinced.  So he assembles another A Team to go and examine the remains: himself, Señor SEAL, and Token Turk.

They find a pack of about fifteen wild dogs eating the remains:

…from the looks of the bodies, the best pickings were already gone.

So, you know a lot about the “best pickings” of human bodies, eh?  Sorry the dogs didn’t save any for you.

I’m sure the authors mean dogs like these, and I’m sure if I met some I would be scared, but…

wild dog puppy

Picture from Wildlife Direct

…I…just…

WHO’S THE CUTEST PUPPY IN THE WORLD???  YOU ARE, YOU ARE!!!  SUCH A GOOD PUPPY!!!

Señor SEAL wants to shoot down all the dogs on the spot (NOOOOO PUPPIEEEEEEES), but Token Turk stops him.  Not out of any humanitarian impulse, mind you but because he thinks 15 dogs > 1 gun.  (For reasons best known to himself, Token Turk left his gun back at the camp.  And Murphy is unarmed.)

Quick question: why is Murphy not carrying his bow, that was so important to him in the first book?  This actually seems like a better environment for it than a tiny tunnel in a pyramid.

Anyway, Murphy is nonplussed by these wild animals that God created:

“Come on,” Murphy said.  “Animals that hunt in packs are basically cowards—and I’ll bet these pooches prefer their meat already dead.”

So they stumble down the mountain, and the dogs back off slightly—not because of Murphy’s Manly Manliness, but because Señor SEAL fires a warning shot.

Murphy sorted through the grisly remains…

EWWWWWWW.  EW EW EW EW EW.

…searching for anything that might give them a clue to the gunmen’s identity.

What do you think you’ll find, Murphy: Talon’s business card?

But the pawing (GET IT???) through mutilated and partially-devoured corpses is cut short by the dogs advancing upon Our Heroes.  Señor SEAL thinks the dogs “know” that he doesn’t have enough ammo to take them all down, but his Doggie ESP is not put to the test…

Suddenly, the unexpected happened.

Some old dude in a robe comes toward them.

HOLY SHIT IT’S OBI-WAN KENOBI

The alpha male doggie attacks him, but the old dude kills the doggie with a staff lighstaber.

Holy.  Shit.

obiwan

It IS Obi-Wan!!!

The other dogs flee at the sight of their alpha male Dark Doggie of the Sith eating staff lightsaber (as well they might), and just as quickly as he arrived, the old man FRAKKING DISAPPEARS.

Damn right he should.  Obi-Wan Kenobi is approxiamtely 24,900,563 times too good for this story.

TSoA: Chapter 34: And Then There Were…

Betting has already begun in the comments about who will survive this “great adventure” of Murphy’s.  (And who might be a mole for The Seven.)  Even as Murphy was burying his “friend,” he failed to consider that there might be a small chance that not everyone would survive this little trip.  Because hey, it’s not like his life and his pseudo-girlfriend’s life have been directly threatened (twice, in the case of Isis!) or anything.

At Camp 1, Isis, the Nerd, and Token Turk are Left Behind in charge of watching their stuff while the rest of the team heads out to climb a glacier.

But…I thought…taking stuff to the higher camps…

Errr…

Anyway, Murphy seems to think Token Turk is In Charge of the B Team.  Granted, Token Turk has a gun, though I don’t see why Isis wouldn’t be carrying as well.

The A Team (Murphy, Fearless Gum-Popping Leader, Señor SEAL, The Dick, and Larry the Photo Guy) go and climb a glacier.  No, I don’t know why.  I also don’t know if Fearless will be able to climb and chew gum at the same time.

Interestingly, Isis loses sight of Token Turk almost immediately.  Hmmm, could Token Turk be a bad guy, or just a red herring?

The A Team reaches the glacier, and…

…unloaded their spiked crampons and put them on.  They each hooked on to a rope for safety, with about forty feet between each climber, and began to cross a sea of white snow…

Damn, I hope it’s white.  Don’t eat the yellow snow, Murph!

…covering the glacier.  Murphy was leading the team…

Of course he was.

…with Señor SEAL behind him.  Next came The Dick, and Fearless brought up the rear.  Larry the Photo Guy had a separate rope tied to the main rope between The Dick and Señor SEAL, allowing him the freedom to move forward or backward to take pictures.

This last bit is stated so matter-of-factly, and maybe I’m overestimating the degree of difficulty of this feat, but it just makes Larry sound SO FREAKING PROFESSIONAL to me.

***

Meanwhile, Isis and the Nerd have a conversation about how pretty horsies are, which turns into a conversation about Murphy.  Because Murphy is the only thing worth discussing in the world:

“There’s been plenty of time for someone to plant fake remains [of the ark] on the mountains.” [said the Nerd]

“You mean like the Shroud of Turin?” [said Isis]

“Exactly.  Although your Professor Murphy probably believes that’s legitimate.”

He does.  He mentioned it in the first book:

“Some experts have concluded that the Shroud of Turin probably is a medieval fake.  I am not convinced.”

-Babylon Rising, Chapter 7

What an idiot.  (Article is at The Skeptic’s Dictionary)

***

Back with the A Team, Larry the Photo Guy once again proves his FRAKKING PROFESSIONALISM by being the first to hear a rock avalanche.

Post-avalanche, Fearless and the Dick have a little tiff: Fearless claims that the Dick tripped him up, the Dick responds that he was just pulling Fearless to safety.  But their little spat will have to wait—the A Team hears gunfire.

Turns out that gunmen have invaded the camp and taken the B Team (minus Token Turk) and the horse dudes hostage.  Apparently believing in Divide and Conquer, they shoo the horse dudes and their horsies down the mountain, then two of the three gunmen drag Isis off with them, leaving one gunman with the Nerd.

This strategy proves ill-advised, as Token Turk promptly sneaks up and executes the Nerd’s captor.  Token then heads after Isis.

This leaves the Nerd alone, but interestingly, we stay with him instead of going with Token.  The Nerd has the brains to take the gun off the dead guy for protection, and next thing we know, Isis (or Princess Peach, as we should perhaps start calling her), is led back to collapse into the Nerd’s arms in relief, since Token Turk has proven himself the Frakking Badass and executed the two other gunmen, too.

I should mention that it does not appear, at least at first glance, that the gunmen are of The Seven, who will Stop at Nothing.  They seem pretty low-rent and speak Kurdish.

Huh.  Not a bad chapter, really.  Despite Isis being endangered again, there is minimal Murphy and some ass-kicking of various types by the B Team.  Cool.

TSoAL Chapter 33, Part 2: A Walk in the Park

Well, I guess Token Turk couldn’t even do ONE LITTLE THING RIGHT.  (Man, foreigners, amirite?)

The helicopter doesn’t have permission to go up the mountain for two days.

Ah well, I don’t suppose 48 hours is a long time to postpone the trip.  They can just chill at the hotel—

“Let’s go!” said Murphy, slapping the table with his palm.  “We can’t waste time here.  We have to find someone with horses who can pack us in.”

Um, okay.

So instead of waiting a mere two days (what, is the ark’s expiration date approaching?), the team sets out at the crack of dawn, walking with horses up the mountain.

Being a suspicious, controlling jerk, Murphy falls back to watch everyone else walk ahead of him.  (And/or to stare at Isis’s ass.)

Fearless Gum-Popping Leader and Señor SEAL have taken the lead and are both carrying machine pistols.

Murphy didn’t want to know how they’d got the weapons into Turkey.

Pfft, since when has Murphy given a damn about international law?

The Nerd is trying to read a book, natch, and…

…[The Nerd] was curiously uncommunicative.

It’s called introversion, Murph.  You should look into it sometime, what with your habit of talking…and talking and talking and talking.

[The Nerd] was clearly as fascinated by the possibility of finding the ark as Murphy was, but Murphy suspected he was put off by the spiritual underpinning of their quest and preferred to keep his thoughts to himself.  Fair enough, Murphy thought.  Plenty of time for talking later.

Plenty of time for proselytizing later.  FTFY.

Hey!  Murphy IS ogling Isis:

…Murphy marveled again at her reserves of strength and endurance.  He also marveled at her wild, natural beauty…

Yadda yadda yadda

Oooo, but Murphy isn’t the only one taking a gander—Larry the Photo Guy is taking extra pictures of Isis.  I’d say that’s kinda stalkery, but a) Isis has already given her permission and b) I actually find it a bit sweet, under these very specific circumstances and c) the only reason Murphy notices this at all is that he is being stalkery to Larry.

They end the day at Camp 1, which is at about ten thousand feet.  Murphy “explains” dictates that the next day, they will use the horsies (and the horse dudes, who don’t rate names) to transport their supplies up to Camps 2 and 3.  This will take a series of trips.

Man, it was so much a better idea to do this than to wait for the permit to clear, Murph!  Just imagine, now you can sleep on rocks instead of in beds for TWO MORE NIGHTS.  Now you can trek back and forth and back and forth on your feet, instead of letting a giant helicopter do the work.

You’re a real leader of men, Murphy.

TSoA: Chapter 33, Part 1: Not Big Surprise

Murphy reacts to the loss of the ark artifacts with all the grace and class you would expect.

In other words, he is at his most dickish and condescending.

Not big surprise.

The actual big surprise here is that when Murphy and Isis return to the guy’s shop the next day with the cash, they find him…not there.  He’s just gone.  Gone as in “disappeared,” not as in “his brains were splattered all over his shop by the bullet of a sniper named Talon.”

Murphy “argues” that the guy must have gotten cold feet because he was selling fakes.  Isis counters that she knows the writing was genuine, and no one would skip town when promised thousands of dollars in cold, hard American cash.

Also, splattered brains, but I guess we’re not supposed to think about that.

Murphy sighed.  “Well, we’ll never know now.  So let’s just put it behind us.  What do you think of Dogubayazit?”

Murphy has no idea with whom he is dealing.  Isis ignores his lame-ass attempt at a change of subject, and continues making her case:

“If you’d been prepared, if you’d had the money with you—“

As we all know, there is only one antidote to logic, and that is to interrupt a woman while she’s talking.

“Isis, please!” Murphy almost shouted.  “I’ve had a lot more experience than you with these things.  Trust me, we were about to be taken for a ride.  And now we’re within striking distance of Ararat.  Let’s look forward, not back.  Okay?”

She snorted again, but didn’t say anything.

She’s learning.  Sadly, Isis is learning that it doesn’t matter that she is COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY RIGHT IN THIS, the tone of the passage, and the fact that Murphy gets the last word and the subject-change, show her that she has been demoted from quirky, awesome, thinking-on-her-feet intellectual to nag and damsel-in-distress.

Sucks to be you, Isis.

The entire team has moved on to a hotel at the foot of Mount Ararat, because the aftermath of the murder of that guy in the chapter before last is unimportant.

What is apparently also unimportant is the camaraderie among the Genera-Team: Fearless Gum Popping Leader, Señor SEAL, Nerd, Token Turk, The Dick, and Larry the Photo Guy.  Oh, and Vern (Friend Who Could Not Be Bothered to Come to Laura’s Funeral) (Vern for short).

They’re all laughing it up (fuzzball) in the dining room.  I could have sworn that this was what Murphy wanted, but I guess not:

…Lundquist waved Murphy and Isis over.  “Come on, you two.  Have a drink and something to eat.”

DEMON LIQUOR!!!

Murphy decided it was time to establish his authority.  “No thanks.  We need to get things moving.”

Ah, I see.  So it was never really about turning the group into a cohesive unit.  It was just about Murphy getting to play General.

He sends them all off on various errands, most of which appear to be useless (“checking” on things).  Isis and the Nerd go to the market, because shopping for food is what wimmins and nerds do.  It’s no work for Real Men.

The only one who seems to have something important and time-sensitive to do is Token Turk, who needs to get permission for the helicopter to go up the mountain.

[Token Turk] frowned.  “Do not trouble yourself [about the permit].  Trust me, it will be done.”

“Then do it,” Murphy insisted.

[Token Turk] slunk off with a scowl.  [Larry the Photo Guy] watched him go and gave Murphy a wink.  “Way to go, Murphy.  I hope you haven’t made an enemy there.”

Murphy turned on him.  “There’s no room for prima donnas on this team, [Larry].  The sooner [Token Turk] realizes it, the better.”

“There’s only room for ONE prima donna, Larry, and that’s me.  Also, it’s PROFESSOR Murphy, SIR, to you.”

Morale in this group is no doubt at its peak!  Let’s storm Mount Ararat!

TSoA: Chapter 32: Just Another Rape

So, we’re back with the Family Noah.  Or at least one branch of it.

Shem and his wife Achsah have gone to market, not to buy a fat pig, but to buy some lamp oil and spices.  They split up to do this, Shem getting the oil and Achsah getting the spices, but this turns out to be not quite so simple as splitting up at the mall and agreeing to meet at Auntie Anne’s in an hour.

Achsah is almost raped.  Three guys grab her and carry her off.

Some in the marketplace turned and looked, then went back to their business.

Just another rape.  Nothing out of the ordinary.

Huh.  So in this horrible, pre-Flood town, it is BUSINESS AS USUAL for women to be carried off and raped.

Huh huh.  Wonder why Shem left his wife alone for EVEN ONE SECOND.

Idiot.  Kinda sucks that this guy is one-sixth of the future of humanity.  No wonder we’re so screwed up.

Shem kicks the crap out of the guys, and no one else lifts a finger, largely because Shem just so happens to be carrying one of Tubal-cain’s singing swords.

“Let the flood come, O Lord,” [Shem] said to himself, “so we do not have to endure such things any longer.”

Um, Shem we weren’t the ones almost raped.  Just your wife.  How about letting her talk about the situation?

No.

Okay.

Yeah, let the flood come, O Lord, so the (no doubt) thousands of rape victims can be swallowed up and horribly drowned right along with their rapists.  Because it’s The World that is sinful, right?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

Birdies have started to alight on the ark.

Birds from every breed and fashion…

Japheth has apparently been designated Official Bird Wrangler:

For 120 years he had helped his family build the ark.  It had seemed like a never-ending task.  Would there ever really be a terrible rain and a great flood?  Would all the animals really gather and come aboard the ark?

His smile of understanding began to fade.  What about those who would be left behind?  They would be facing God’s judgment.  They would be destroyed.  His father’s warnings were now coming true.

Wow.  Is this a moment of clarity?  Is Japheth actually coming to the realization that his god is cruel and capricious, warning one man of the coming destruction and letting the rest of the world burn?

MAYBE DROWNING SMALL CHILDREN ISN’T A GREAT POLICY FOR A GOD???

But no.  This brief spark of near-understanding extinguishes itself as it is created.

Japheth’s thoughts were interrupted by a harsh yelling.

His father and brothers are calling him to look at the land-dwelling animals coming through the clear-cut forest.

Good thing, too, or Japheth might have to deal with complicated thoughts.  Can’t have that.

And Noah isn’t one to give a flying frak about innocent victims of an unjust god, either.  Not while animals are being docile with each other and the humans and sorting themselves into matched sets:

[Noah’s] heart leaped with joy as he realized what God was doing.

Good for you, Noah!  Way to appreciate the gravity of the situation!