TSoA: Chapter 35: Moar Puppies!!!
You’d think that a chapter about fighting off a pack of wild dogs would be exciting.
You would be wrong.
Murphy wants to go examine the remains of the gunmen that Token Turk killed, but first there are more important things, like sleeping and breakfast.
…Murphy was sharing a mug of steaming tea with Isis…
Wait, they’re sharing the same mug? They haven’t so much as held hands, but they’re drinking tea from the same cup? Somehow, I find that both intimate and gross.
(Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with couples sharing cups or spoons or whatever. But Murphy and Isis are not a couple. I do not drink out of my friends’ cups, be they guy friends or girl friends.)
It was all he could do not to hug her to him…
Why don’t you hug her, you repressed jerk? Why don’t you tell her you like-her-like-that, that you have Special Feelings for her? Why do you get off on thinking about a woman you have never touched?
…but she seemed to be happy he was simply there.
That’s quite an assumption there, Murph, and you know what happens when we ASSUME. After all, another person who is there is The Nerd. You know, the guy who actually hugged Isis after her ordeal.
Token Turk, The Nerd, and The Dick all think the gunmen were Kurdish rebels who like to kidnap tourists, but, as with the Shroud of Turin, Murphy is Not Convinced. So he assembles another A Team to go and examine the remains: himself, Señor SEAL, and Token Turk.
They find a pack of about fifteen wild dogs eating the remains:
…from the looks of the bodies, the best pickings were already gone.
So, you know a lot about the “best pickings” of human bodies, eh? Sorry the dogs didn’t save any for you.
I’m sure the authors mean dogs like these, and I’m sure if I met some I would be scared, but…
Picture from Wildlife Direct
WHO’S THE CUTEST PUPPY IN THE WORLD??? YOU ARE, YOU ARE!!! SUCH A GOOD PUPPY!!!
Señor SEAL wants to shoot down all the dogs on the spot (NOOOOO PUPPIEEEEEEES), but Token Turk stops him. Not out of any humanitarian impulse, mind you but because he thinks 15 dogs > 1 gun. (For reasons best known to himself, Token Turk left his gun back at the camp. And Murphy is unarmed.)
Quick question: why is Murphy not carrying his bow, that was so important to him in the first book? This actually seems like a better environment for it than a tiny tunnel in a pyramid.
Anyway, Murphy is nonplussed by these wild animals that God created:
“Come on,” Murphy said. “Animals that hunt in packs are basically cowards—and I’ll bet these pooches prefer their meat already dead.”
So they stumble down the mountain, and the dogs back off slightly—not because of Murphy’s Manly Manliness, but because Señor SEAL fires a warning shot.
Murphy sorted through the grisly remains…
EWWWWWWW. EW EW EW EW EW.
…searching for anything that might give them a clue to the gunmen’s identity.
What do you think you’ll find, Murphy: Talon’s business card?
But the pawing (GET IT???) through mutilated and partially-devoured corpses is cut short by the dogs advancing upon Our Heroes. Señor SEAL thinks the dogs “know” that he doesn’t have enough ammo to take them all down, but his Doggie ESP is not put to the test…
Suddenly, the unexpected happened.
Some old dude in a robe comes toward them.
HOLY SHIT IT’S OBI-WAN KENOBI
The alpha male doggie attacks him, but the old dude kills the doggie with a
It IS Obi-Wan!!!
The other dogs flee at the sight of their
alpha male Dark Doggie of the Sith eating staff lightsaber (as well they might), and just as quickly as he arrived, the old man FRAKKING DISAPPEARS.
Damn right he should. Obi-Wan Kenobi is approxiamtely 24,900,563 times too good for this story.