TSoA: Chapter 37, Part 2: Obi-Wan Again

Murphy, Fearless Gum-Popping Leader, and Token Turk (the revised A Team, I suppose) are clearing the last of the supplies from Camp 2, when bad-ass Jedi puppy-killer Obi-Wan shows up again.

Fearless is distrustful of the Obi-Wan, but when the Jedi Master asks Murphy what they are doing, Murphy levels with him.

Obi-Wan tells them that this is not the ark they’re looking for (okay, he doesn’t, but it would be cool if he did) and asks them why they want to find it.

Murphy levels with him again (or, perhaps, is subject to Force Persuade)…

“It would be a great thing for our faith.  Faith in Jesus Christ.  And the word of God.”

Satisfied, due to his Jedi mind-whammy, that Murphy is telling the truth, Obi-Wan reveals that the ark is located in a specific valley, and tells them how to get there.

“I have climbed there many times.  It has been a mild winter this year on the mountain.  Almost half of the ark is there for you to see.  The rest of it is in a glacier.  Most times the whole boat is covered with snow.”

It’s just that simple!

So, Murphy’s “plan” to wander randomly around the mountain and hopefully bump into the boat is improved by this stranger!

No doubt sent by God Himself.

Because that’s the kind of stand-up guy God is.

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Posted on February 27, 2013, in Books, The Secret on Ararat. Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.

  1. I’m suspicious of the old Jedi’s motives. If old Obi-Wan really knew all this time, and really cared about the word getting out instead of obscuring the location of the ark, why wait until this particular group to show it to someone? If he doesn’t want to be the focus of attention himself, why not just go find some other Christian willing to show the world and take the cre- er, protect Obi-Wan from scrutiny?

    Or, if he has done that before, and the evil council of evil has managed to discredit everyone Murphy glowingly referred to early on in the book, why does he think this “cryptic old man of the mountain” approach will work this time?

    These criticisms stand whether Obi-Wan is really some extraordinarily holy old man up on a hill, an angel, or something else. His actions don’t jibe with the desire to see the ark brought to the light of day for the glory of God. Of course, this would require Obi-Wan to be an actual person and not just a plot device in a book where all the plot devices serve to fellate the main character’s (and authors’) ego(s).

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      Or, if he has done that before, and the evil council of evil has managed to discredit everyone Murphy glowingly referred to early on in the book…

      “The Evil League of Evil
      Is watching, so beware;
      Your initial grade
      Will be your last, we swear!
      So make the Bad Horse gleeful
      Or he’ll make you his mare!
      You’re saddled up!
      There’s no recourse!
      Hi Ho Silver!
      (signed) Bad Horse”
      — Joss Whedon, “Bad Horse”

    • Maybe he’s just trying to promote his little brother’s ark workshop.

    • It was God’s will that the Ark be hidden for millennia, and it’s God’s will that it now be found by Murphy, because Murphy is super special. The whole thing was set up thousands of years ago in order to reward Murphy’s awesomeness.

      Hang on … thousands of years ago? Oh no, is this where those flashback chapters are going to become relevant? Is Obi-Wan one of the characters from the Noah segments?

  2. First it’s Methuselah, now Obi-Wan–has Murphy ever found a single artifact in the history of his career without somebody just flat-out telling him where it is?

    • Well, sometimes they give it to him… And then there was the time Methuselah made him dance the Charleston with a hungry grizzly bear while he had a salmon tied to his face, all to be told the apple core from Eden was in a package in his mailbox.

      So… no.

    • Don’t forget all the time Isis said where he had to go.

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      Script Immunity. Possible Author Self-Insert Gary Stu, like in Left Behind.

    • I guess these kinds of plot devices are neccesary. I mean, sure, 37 chapters should be enough to fit in plenty of adventures that help narrow down the location of the ark. But then there wouldn’t have been enough room for preaching, RTC self-congratulation and pastoral advice.

      I mean, what were they supposed to do, leave out the all important ‘how to deal with your rebelous daughter’-chapter out of their archeological adventure novel?

  3. Hmmm. I keep thinking of the ancient knight from “IJ and the Last Crusade” — maybe it’s a test and there’s always the possibility that someone will *ahem* “choose poorly”?

  4. Headless Unicorn Guy

    So, Murphy’s “plan” to wander randomly around the mountain and hopefully bump into the boat is improved by this stranger!

    Lay you odds Obi-Wan is really an Angel. This sounds a LOT like the standard RTC Angel Encounter testimony trope.

  5. Hi RubyTea, Long time lurker here. I have decided to delurk in order to present my theories on the identity of the mole. These are based on my years of experience, inhaling English murder mysteries and Alistair McLean novels
    There are two moles working together. One of the them is the nerd. I deduce this on the basis that he claims to have mountain experience however at a crucial point develops difficulties thus separating Senor Seal from the team and luring him to his inevitable demise.

    Also he is left behind when Isis is kidnapped and is shown picking up a gun from one of the assailants. An unnecessary detail to include unless the gun will make a sinister appearance later in the novel. The only cons to my theory is that he professes disbelief. If he is the mole it would make more sense for him to agree with Murphy thus ingratiating himself further.

    He is working with either the Token Turk who is the other mole on account of being brown foreigner or Larry the Photo guy on account of being suspiciously competent and mildly interested in Isis.
    I rest my case. 🙂

    • There are two moles working together. One of the them is the nerd. I deduce this on the basis that he claims to have mountain experience however at a crucial point develops difficulties

      The main problem with this is that while in the hands of better writers this could be a plot point, in this case it could also simply mean that they forgot about the Nerd’s alleged expertise.

      • Exactly. I always try to predict these books (TSoA, LB, Soon, etc.) based on what I think a B-grade hack writer would do, and I’m always wrong because LaHaye and/or Jenkins are even worse than that. You can’t count on them doing the right thing, or even the obvious wrong thing; they find ways to screw up their books that you never anticipated. This makes them dangerous foes, like the Joker.

        • Headless Unicorn Guy

          In a B-grade hack writer or above, the gun would be a Chekov’s Gun doing some foreshadowing. Given the track record of both LaHaye & Jenkins, more likely it’s a detail they put in and promptly forgot about. Like all the James Bond/conspiracy thriller setups in LB that get dropped and completely forgotten halfway thru Volume 1.

    • The problem with the “the gun must be important” later theory is that it implies that the authors have heard of Chekhov 😉

  6. Far from enhancing faith finding the ark would make faith redundant.

  7. LaHaye in the foreword: “There must be a sinister force that has opposed all the searchers’ valiant efforts up to the present from seeing the light of day.”

    In the novel. “The Ark? Yeah, I know where it is. I’ve been there lots of times, it’s really easy to find. It’s a wooden boat sticking out of white snow and ice. You can’t really miss it. If your pilot had made a single lap around the mountain, he’d probably have spotted it. “

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      LaHaye in the foreword: “There must be a sinister force that has opposed all the searchers’ valiant efforts up to the present from seeing the light of day.”

      Church Lady in SNL: “Could it be… SATAN?” (cue Superiority Dance)

  8. Yeah, actually, I need a second post to harp on that ‘half sticking out of the ice’. This boat is 440 feet, 137 meters long. That means that a ship-shaped chunk of wood measuring about 60 by 23 by 14 meters in size is sticking out of a glacier. Dark on white background, and the size of a small appartment building. That would be easy enough to find on google maps. How incompentent were all the previous ark-searchers that they couldn’t be bothered to find something like that?

  9. “sticking out of a glacier”? STICKING OUT OF A GLACIER? …Welp, I guess we just found item #3,572 on the list of Things The Authors Don’t Know Anything About: ice. Hint: unlike most substances, water expands as it freezes, which is really bad news for a wooden ship caught in the middle.

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Round Up, March 1st, 2013 | The Slacktiverse

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