TSoA: Chapter 38, Part 2, and Chapter 39, Part 1: Almost There

Now that Murphy has an actual plan for finding the ark, and has decided to do nothing about the murder in his ranks, there is nothing else to do but keep climbing.

They traverse an ice wall, and more trouble unfolds—the Dick slips and he and Token Turk (they were using the same rope) fall before an ice screw stops them.  Fearless leads the rescue effort to grab them and pull them to safety.


The Dick is understandably pissed that he almost died, and asks Murphy how the frak much farther is it to this gorram ark, already.

Murphy was gazing across the snowfield with a strange look on his face.  “Can’t you feel it?  We’re almost there.”

The Dick:  *sniffles*  I wanna go home.  It’s cold and it’s wet and I almost died and The Bachelor is on tonight.

But there is no going home.  Indeed, the rest of the team is “energized by Murphy’s sense that they were closing in on their goal.”

Really?  I would have thought that they’d be a bit freaked out by the mutterings of the fanatic who thinks he’s on a mission from God and doesn’t seem to give a damn that one person has already died.

Also, a blizzard is here, so they make ice caves.  They double (and triple) up in three caves:

  • Murphy, Isis, and Larry the Photo Guy
  • Fearless and the Nerd
  • The Dick and Token Turk

Murphy is sleeping with Isis and Larry (oh wowwwww…), and, since he has no imagination or ability to detect subtlety, must have a SUPER OBVIOUS dream about a “slim, red-haired angel with sparkling green eyes” who picks him up and flies around with him.

I get the feeling Bob Phillips was watching some classic superhero movies right before writing this scene:

This video is especially apropos, because the dream ends thusly:

There was a loud crack, like a rifle shot.  She screamed.  He felt her hand being plucked from his own.  Then they were both falling.

But it’s all okay!

Because as Murphy steps out of the ice cave in his slippers and bathrobe, stretches, belches, and looks for the morning paper…


Teh ark.

It is just that simple.


Posted on March 9, 2013, in Books, The Secret on Ararat. Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. Well, we know what a Freudian would say about flying-dreams. (The same thing he’d say about any dreams.)

    Wouldn’t it have made more sense to have everyone in one big cave? Surface area, volume, that stuff?

    “No, I can’t ‘feel it’. I want to see your fracking map.”

  2. Oh FFS, now the Ark can be felt from a distance, and is in spitting distance of the quickest available shelter during a blizzard? I ask again, how can LaHaye first say there must be some evil force preventing anyone from bringing back proof of the ark, then put his name on a story where the universe is all but picking up the protagonists by the scruff of the neck and dumping them in front of the ark.

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      Easily explainable: “The Holy Spirit led them directly to the Ark because God Willed It.” (And the resulting PROOF of Young Earth Creationism and Literal Genesis is God’s Message to an Evilution-believing World.)

  3. Good luck bringing the Ark back to civilization in your knapsack, Murphy. I wonder how the inventory system works in this world.

    • Unlimited space, but carrying too much weight slows you down. With the Ark in his pack, Murphy won’t be able to move faster than about 1 inch per hour.

      Also, I wonder if the sleeping arrangements are a portent of who’s going to die when? Dick and Turk first, then Fearless and Nerd, and Photo Larry last? Or it could just be random and totally unrelated, who even knows with this book.

      • Headless Unicorn Guy

        Howabout everybody dies except Murphy & Isis, who have to survive for the sequel? And (like so many UFOlogy & Cryptozoology stories) Murph is somehow prevented from bringing back physical PROOF of the Ark, so the World continues beliving Evilution all the way to Eternal Hell?

    • “Only one large item”. So Murphy will have to get rid of his rifle.

      Loquat, I suspect at least one of the people in the second-class shelters will turn out to be dead.

  4. Headless Unicorn Guy

    By “Almost There”, do you mean this X-hundred page hackwork is finally over?

  5. Murphy, Isis, and Larry the Photo Guy

    I knew it. Three-way.

    Or there would be one if LaHaye wouldn’t faint of the vapors at the idea of a sex scene in his book.

    (Sorry, I will go wash my brain out with soap now. 😛 )

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Round Up, March 23rd, 2013 | The Slacktiverse

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