TSoA: Chapter 39: Ark Ark Ark Ark Ark Ark Ark

Needless to say, Murphy is quite happy that the ark is now in his sights.

He felt a huge mix of emotions he couldn’t describe: joy, wonder, awe, gratitude, humility.

He’s a Ph.D. and he can’t describe these emotions?  You’d think he could do.

The Nerd is the second person up:

“My God, Murphy, you found it.  There it is.  Noah’a Ark.”

“Okay, technically, we found it.  And we found it only after Obi-Wan very specifically told us where to look.  Still, though.”

This is a day I’ll feel good to be me.

-Mal Reynolds, a much better man that Michael Murphy

Everyone else is up now, and Murphy and Isis don’t say anything to each other because Phillips can’t think of anything they might say.

Murphy can think of things to say to Vern, though, and calls him on the satellite phone.

(btw, is this not the easiest gig Vern has ever had?  The rest of the team is crawling across fields of ice, being kidnapped, having their ropes cut by Talons, and he’s sitting with his feet up back at the hotel, ordering his fifth raki that hour.)

“Vern, are you sitting down?  We found it!”

“Are you kidding me?  I can’t believe it!  What does it look like?”

“Well, Vern, it’s big and brown and made of wood and shaped like a boat and—WHAT DO YOU THINK IT LOOKS LIKE???”

“Shaddup, Murph, don’t yell at me.”  *hic*  “Ya want me t’bring the copter up the mountain for you?  VROOOOM–”

“That’s fine, Vern.  Er, no rush.”

They all run down into the valley (of the dolls), laughing and throwing snowballs and shit.

It’s like Christmas, Isis thought with a smile.  And we’ve just been given the best present of all.

Pfft, Isis.  The best gift of all is cash money, and don’t you forget it.

We strangely cut away from Murphy’s POV, and get a peek inside the heads of three (and only three) of the other team members: the Nerd, the Dick, and Token Turk.  The Nerd and the Dick are all psyched and thinking worldy, unChristian thoughts about how jealous their colleagues will be.  The Dick is planning to write a book.  Token Turk has somewhat nicer thoughts: mainly pride that he saved lives on the trip.

We don’t find out what Fearless Gum-Popping Leader or Larry the Photo Guy are thinking.



We naturally end on Murphy thanking God for the “privilege” of saving the ark just for him.

May I be a faithful teacher of right, living like Noah.

“Hmmm…teaching.  Why does that word sound so familiar?  DAMMIT!!! (Sorry, Lord)  That’s what I’m supposed to be doing with my days!”

So, guess it’s time for a Noah chapter.

Next time.


Speaking of Belle, last night’s Once Upon a Time made me cry a little on the inside.  Also on the outside.  Can we just give Robert Carlyle his gorram Emmy already???

I ship these two like a hopeless romantic schoolgirl.


Posted on March 11, 2013, in Books, The Secret on Ararat. Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.

  1. He’s a Ph.D. and he can’t describe these emotions? You’d think he could do.

    It doesn’t bother me that our main character can’t adequately describe his emotions, so much as the fact that our authors can’t.

  2. So, how close are we to the end of this book? We’ve still got to fit in half a dozen team members getting killed, a final confrontation between Murphy and Talon, and whatever terrible excuse the authors come up with for why Murphy and Isis won’t be able to bring back any credible proof of the Ark’s existence. (I will admit to being curious how they pull that last one off, though. It’s a huge freaking boat, on solid ground, partially stuck in a glacier; the Seven are really going to have to work to eliminate all evidence it was ever there. Unless it’s going to be one of those supernatural things you’re only allowed to visit once in your life and you’ll never be allowed to see it again no matter how thoroughly you search the area.)

    • I actually would like to know what the Ark looks like. Is it still in good condition or mostly rotted? What does gopher wood look like, anyhow?

      and whatever terrible excuse the authors come up with for why Murphy and Isis won’t be able to bring back any credible proof of the Ark’s existence.

      My guess is, there’s a miraculous earthquake (mountainquake?) and it falls down a bottomless crevasse. Alternative theory: Murphy does bring back proof and the global implications of this are never explored, because all that matters to the authors is that Murphy was Right All Along.

      • “Murphy does bring back proof and the global implications of this are never explored, because all that matters to the authors is that Murphy was Right All Along.”

        That is my thought as well. We’ve seen in Left Behind that explicit proof doesn’t persuade the heathens, because the obvious proof that Jesus died for your sins (It’s right there in the Bible! And the Bible is always true!) is also ignored today.

        • Headless Unicorn Guy

          No Ivan. It’s more like “And the Bible is always true because the Bible says the Bible is always true!”

    • Well, enough dynamite and the Seven won’t really have anything to worry about. Getting evidence of the Ark down off the mountain will probably be harder.

  3. OK, somebody built a huge boat and it got to the top of this mountain. We can still very easily build a theory that doesn’t require God (in his infinite mercy) to have killed everybody in the world… so how is this evidence for God? (Even arguing that evidence for God is a good thing, which most Christians seem not to.)

    • Or how does it give evidence for Jesus, in that matter? It just means the Jews were right.

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      … so how is this evidence for God?

      Don’t you remember the last couple panels in Jack Chick’s “Big Daddy”? Paraphrased into this situation, it goes like this:

      1) Noah’s Ark is real, just like the Bible says.
      2) Therefore the Flood was real, and Young Earth Creationism, and everything the Bible says is real (including the Bible)….
      3) Which means that God actually did send his son Jesus Christ….
      4) Altar Call Ending leading the reader in the Sinner’s Prayer.

  4. This is a day I’ll feel good to be me.

    -Mal Reynolds, a much better man that Michael Murphy

    Well, obviously Murphy can’t say that. He’s so pleased with himself, it feels good to be him everyday.

    Well, between Fearless Gum-Popping Leader or Larry the Photo Guy, one is as US army man, and the other is hitting on the hero’s girlfriend, so I think I know who my money is on.

    • Yeah . . . even considering that Isis isn’t actually Murphy’s girlfriend yet, she’s obviously meant for The Hero by virtue of his obvious awesomeness, and the fact that she’s the only (err, hottest) woman around. How *dare* someone else try to put their hands on something that is obviously the property of our Manly Male Alpha Male!

    • Oh yeah, I actually forgot she they aren’t technically datin- I mean courting yet.

      I guess it’s because Isis’s status is about the same as that of a non-evil woman in a James Bond film. The script basically has her wearing a ‘future protagonist love interest’-tag on her back.

      • You can tell that Bond Girls are meant for Bond because they wear sexy bikinis. You know LaJenkins Girls are meant for LaJenkins Gary Stus because they spend all their time thinking about how right the Gary always is.

        • Headless Unicorn Guy

          But what about the other attribute of Bond Girls (besides being Smokin HAWT) — the semi-pornographic silly names? How does the likes of “Pussy Galore” map across into Christianese?

        • Maria Magdelena?

          • In this case, the new author had to work with what he was given, which is ISIS PROSPERINA MACDONALD *airguitar* (because she at least was awesome in the last book.)

  5. I suppose we’re going to find that either Blake or Larry was REPLACED by Talon, soon?

    • [cn: suicide]

      …or that there never was a mole at all. The dead teammembers all killed themselves after receiving subliminal messages from the falcons Talon has trained to flap their wings in Morse code.

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      Depends on whether the author thinks he’s the Christianese Alistair MacLean.

      (Just like Jerry Jenkins imagines himself the Christianese Ian Fleming.)

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Round Up, March 23rd, 2013 | The Slacktiverse

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