TSoA: Chapter 44: The Showdown

Having left Isis, and Evil-Fearless and Dead-Nerd alone, Murphy blithely makes his way back to the ark.  His mind is most certainly not on how he split up the team that he so very much wants to keep safe:

…he was thinking about Noah and how he must have begged people to come aboard and escape God’s judgment.  And yet, only eight people were saved in the Flood.

Murphy makes it sound like these were eight volunteers.  But no, they were Noah’s wife and their sons and their wives.  In other words, people not exactly in a position to say no.

He was imagining the awesome sense of responsibility…

…much like the sense of responsibility one might feel to the members of a “discovery team” that one had dragged onto a mountain.  I AM NEVER GETTING OVER THIS.

…and Noah’s sadness at his failure to convince more people of the truth of his message.

Oh, Noah’s a big sack of fail, granted.  Then again, it’s not like God spoke directly to anyone else about this flood.

Huh, it’s almost like God was setting Noah up to fail.

And he began to feel some of the same weight of responsibility himself.

Responsibility was a new feeling for Murphy, since he’s never felt it for his students or his team members or the woman he professes to love.

When the next judgment comes, we have to make sure more people heed God’s warnings, he thought to himself.

As opposed to thinking to someone else.

Back at the ark, Murphy actually has to think about what is going on in the NOW, since he discovers the Nerd’s murdered body:

Suddenly things started to click into place.

I like to imagine Murphy desperately trying to shove a square peg into a round hole here.

So [Fearless] had killed [Señor SEAL].  And now [the Nerd].  [Fearless] had seemed extremely interested in the Philosopher’s Stone.

Um, it’s the secret to alchemy, Murphy.  I’d actually be a lot more suspicious of somebody who wasn’t interested in it.

And then Murphy sees Fearless’s head, which, in a tribute to slasher movies villains, Talon has chopped off and posed on a beam.

Okay, okay, he also did it to test out the Singing Sword.

Then, in a tribute to stupid villains everywhere, Talon appears with the Singing Sword…which he promptly drops so he and Murphy can have a “fair” fight.


They fight like MANLY MEN for a minute, but Talon quickly tires of the whole “fair fight” idea.  So instead of grabbing the Singing Sword again, he deploys his throwing knives.

Because that makes a lot more sense than using his razor finger or a gun or the most magical, awesome sword in the history of the world.

Talon throws his blade and Murphy tries to pull a Neo/Hansel slow-mo duck…

But the Murph-ster just can’t compete with such bad-assery…

…without thinking he dived to his right, connecting with the safety railing guarding the central air shaft.  The ancient wood shattered like matchsticks and he tumbled down into the darkness.


No, sadly, it is only a Railing Knock-Out.  And NOW Talon pays tribute to Bond villains—instead of finishing Murphy off when he has the chance, Talon just trusts that his plan to bury the ark in an avalanche will bury Murphy, too.

Talon sets off to plant explosives, secure in the knowledge that there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY Murphy can get out of this.

I’m not sure if this is better or worse than leaving his keys at the crime scene, but this really doesn’t make Talon the most respectable villain ever.


Posted on April 6, 2013, in Books, The Secret on Ararat. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. While grammatically correct, the fact that Murphy “dived” instead of “dove” just sets my teeth on edge. But given that it’s Murphy, it makes sense that even his verbs annoy me.

    Remember, Ruby, this is Fundy Fic. We can’t have competent villains because they would show the up “heroes” so badly, and then the target audience of middle-aged church ladies would take offense.

  2. Sarcastic Death Bird is perched on something nearby, shaking his beak at Talon and wondering how much longer he’s got on his contract.

    This idea that Noah had a choice about whom to bring in is new to me. So he decided “hey, eight people of whom five are closely related is the ideal basis for repopulating the world, I won’t double the potential breeding stock by evicting the hippopotamus”?

  3. Yes, of course Murphy would concentrate on the efforts of him and Noah to convince more people of the comming judgement and the location of the escape hatch. The judgement itself is seen as a given, a force of nature, and not an act committed by the very same god he wants the people to accept as their beloved leader.

    And just like Noah, Murphy is set up to fail. The whole point of the RTC apocalypse is that it’ll happen when all the people turn away from god and do terrible things like not stoning gays. That’s the ‘truth of the message’ according to RTCs, that the world will flip of god and he’ll blast it. If Murphy would be succesful in ‘convincing more people of the truth of his message’, the message would be false since there are now so many people worshipping god.

  4. Wait, so all the surviving team members got successfully evacuated and aren’t going to play any part in the rest of the story? Or are the bad guys going to assassinate them all offscreen so they can’t tell anyone about the ark? Either way, I AM DISAPPOINT.

  5. Didn’t Murphy take anyone with him so he would have help if Talon got the drop on him? Holy poorly prepared, Batman! 😦

    • Of course Murphy has someone with him. All the time. Ever heard of a fellow named … GOD??????

      [grins sanctimoniously, folds arms]

  6. Headless Unicorn Guy

    Looks like Buck Jenkins isn’t the only Ian Fleming wanna-be writing Christianese…

  7. VERY late to the game, I know, recently shuffled over from Slacktivist.

    But DAMN, I’ve played villains in at least a dozen RP’s that were not only more competent than Talon, but would make his entire affiliated organization look like rank amateurs, without even trying!

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Round Up, April 13th 2013 | The Slacktiverse

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