TSoA: Chapter 46: The Triumphant Return of Obi-Wan

HE’S BAAAAAACK!!!!!

Apparently, Obi-Wan is aware of every damn thing that has been going on.

He had seen the helicopter fly toward Camp 2 and then toward the gorge as he was climbing to the ark by a different direction.

Wait, Obi-Wan, why do you want to go to the ark now?  If you wanted to go to the ark, why not just lead the team there yourself yesterday?

Sigh.

Surely if it had fallen into the gorge, no one could have survived.

So, yeah, don’t help or anything.  Some Jedi Knight you are.

And yeah, Obi-Wan sees everything.

He squinted at the sea of white.  Then he saw someone in a white polar outfit zigzagging up the steep slope.  What is he doing up there?

Oh, I’m sure he’s just birdwatching or—WHAT DO YOU THINK HE’S DOING UP THERE???

Obi Wan heads into the ark, momentarily dismissing as Probably Nothing the man climbing quickly up the side of the mountain with a huge backpack.  The Jedi Master finds the bodies of Fearless and the Nerd.

Then he finds Murphy, still unconscious from his Railing KO.

With a huge effort, he hefted Murphy onto his shoulder…

Looks like Murphy might want to lay off the non-alcoholic cider.

He carries Murphy outside, where he laboriously creates a sleepling-bag-in-which-he-can-drag-Murphy.  I’ll be kinder to you than I was to myself, and spare you the details.  The pieces all click into place with Talon at this point, too, and Obi-Wan realizes he’s going to start an avalanche to bury the ark.

He manages to get Murph out of the way JUST IN TIME, and takes him to some cave that I guess is his home, because there are holders in the wall for torches.

[Obi-Wan] placed several thick furs over the sleeping bag before eating his soup and a hunk of dry bread.

Okay, the sleeping bag contains Murphy, but I amuse myself by imagining that Obi-Wan has anthropomorphized the sleeping bag, and just wants to keep it warm and comfortable.

Obi-Wan: You’re my new BFF, sleeping bag.  The only friend I need…

When he finished, his brow was creased in thought.  He had some hard decisions to make.  If Murphy regained consciousness during the night, he needed to get some warm liquid into him or he would surely be dead before morning.

Um.

No.

Obi-Wan?  Honey?  That is not how concussions work.  Take it from someone who has been there—you won’t die from a Grade III concussion due to lack of soup.  Indeed, such a concussion can lead to severe nausea, so unless you want to be wearing that soup, you might want to take it easy at first.

Being a good little RTC who has lived on Ararat for his entire life, Obi-Wan prays, and Isis immediately appears, having been led to this random cave by the Plot-o-Matic 9000 God.

Obi-Wan heads out to look for survivors of the helicopter crash, leaving Isis with instructions to force-feed Murphy soup if he wakes up.  So I guess it’s okay now, now that a lady-person has arrived to play nursemaid and wear the soup.

He turned before slipping out of the cave.  The woman was kneeling over the unconscious man, a look of infinite tenderness.

If anyone can save her, [Obi-Wan] thought, she can.

Yeah, screw modern medicine when you have a pretty little helpmeet to treat the sick with Bronze Age soup healing!

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Posted on April 26, 2013, in Books, The Secret on Ararat. Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. soooooo . . . Isis was led by a star to manger where Murphy lay? I guess her transforrmation into Pod-Isis has been complete by this point and will begin to fulfill her God-given duties by playing good little nursemaid to Our Hero (and give up her silly, godless heathen life as a woman who uses her brain.)

    *siiiiiigh*

    • I have to say, Isis’s treatment in this book isn’t nearly as bad as I feared from Ruby’s introduction. She gets fewer scenes of awesome competence, but there’s still something. And while she’s all willing and submissive to god, the snippets shown here don’t make her seem like Murphy’s human doormat.

      When this review started, I feared this would be a Rayford-Hattie dynamic, where Isis signaled at every moment how much she wanted and needed Murphy, while he cooly smiled, content in the knowledge that he can have her whenever he wants to. But she still talks back to him, and the only explicitly spelled out hidden crush so far came from Murphy.

      Maybe it’s my low standards after multiple works of RTC fiction, but the character of Isis nor her treatment by the other characters offends me, like Jae’s does. She isn’t a well written character, but she isn’t horrible.

      Of course, we have some chapters left to go.

  2. He carries Murphy outside, where he laboriously creates a sleepling-bag-in-which-he-can-drag-Murphy. I’ll be kinder to you than I was to myself, and spare you the details.

    … but here’s a hint: it involves a lightsaber, the Nerd’s corpse, and the line “I thought they smelled bad on the outside!”

  3. inquisitiveraven

    Trying to feed someone with head trauma may be a bad idea, but trying to warm the patient up internally is a good one if you think you’re dealing with hypothermia. Mind you, if Obi Wan”s worried about hypothermia, he should be heating rocks and putting them in the sleeping bag with Murphy.

    BTW, those holders for torches are called “sconces.”

  4. So… Talon has, in fact, successfully set off an avalanche and buried the Ark? Meaning it won’t be found again unless someone who knows where it is can come back with a proper team to dig it out?

    I think that alone means Obi-Wan and Larry are going to have to die. Unless Larry’s employers want to suppress the Ark rather than exploit it, though that seems excessive when Talon’s already working that angle. And while Larry’s handlers *could* go up to check it out and then decide Larry’s a liar when they see freshly-avalanched mountainside rather than a giant boat, I expect that flavor of humiliation to be reserved for Murphy and Isis so the book can get in some solid whining about the secular world not believing Real Bible Truth.

  5. Huh, either angels are far more mundane than I thought, or it looks like Obi Wan really is a normal human. Which makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsover. Why didn’t he snap some pictures of the ark years ago when he found it? Did he know there was going to be an RTC main character comming by in a few years who got to do the honors?

    And yeah, burying the ark won’t do much good, people could still find it, especially if they know what they are. The ark will just be hidden where people have a hard time finding it. Which is basically the status of the Ark BEFORE this whole expedition by Murphy (not counting Obi Wan). So why did the Seven want Murphy to find it, if all they were going to do was hide it again? And why was the CIA so unwilling to give Murphy all their top secret data, when they DID want the Ark found? Given our two antagonists’ goals, they’re both doing exactly the wrong thing.

    • I don’t think the authors gave much thought to what courses of action would make sense from the antagonists’ points of view; they’re bad, so their sole purpose is to fuck with Murphy.

      • There’s probably a TVTropes term for that: the universe that exists purely in order to throw challenges and rewards at The Hero.

  6. You know who could benefit from some warm soup? The person who spent the night freezing in a tent during a bad snowstorm. Hopefully meta-Isis still has enough control to take some of that soup for herself.

    No one’s actions make sense any more. Maybe Talon is acting on his own. Maybe he’s sick of the seven sending him on crappy missions. Does anyone survive the helicopter crash or is Obi Wan referring to Vern? I hope he has a lot of soup.

    • I’m heartwarmed by the idea of Murphy, Isis, and Talon all saying “screw this Ark crap, it’s cold out” and meeting at Obi-Wan’s cave to share soup together.

    • Well, the usual canard is along the wise of “God’s plans make foolishness out of human wisdom”. When it comes to LaHaye, prophecy has no need of logic to stand on its own.

  7. And so the stepfordization is complete. Oh, Isis Persephone MacDonald, we hardly knew ye.

  8. @ ^ vmink : We didn’t know Isis Persephone MacDonald at all actually. Because we knew Isis Proserpina MacDonald instead and was she ever an awesome kick ass character especially for such dreadful books. Vale Isis, you were great whilst you lasted. May you live on in meta-Isis your eponymous goddess within and our memories.

    Sorry, SIWOTI syndrome and pedantry and all and couldn’t resist. But otherwise yes.

    (& I’m sure I’ll have typos or /& errors in this comment too won’t I? Murphy’s law – the real Murphy that is.)

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Round Up, April 27th, 2013 | The Slacktiverse

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