Shadowed: Chapter 16: Back to Ball Dangler

Time to check in the with the leader of the entire planet!

You all may remember Chancellor Baldwin Dengler (known affectionately ’round these parts as Ball Dangler), but just in case you don’t, Jenkins takes the opportunity to remind us that he is tall and graying.  Strangely, Jenkins does not remind us of Dangler’s “exceptionally long fingers.”  Though he gives us a new detail: “press reports that his stride was half again longer than a normal man’s his height.”  Okay, then.

I guess the press has nothing better to do than measure and compare the stride length of men of a specific height.  I also tend to get bored with the endless articles about decades of peace, cancer-curing, homelessness-ending, and environmental improvement.

As was ominously foreshadowed in the last book, Dangler has sons but no daughters.  So God, in his infinite wisdom and love and long-suffering, deigned to murder Dangler’s eldest son, himself a husband and father.

I have often found it odd that Jenkins, who infamously believes that atheist marriages are less likely to be happy than RTC marriages, all evidence to the contrary aside, makes marriage just as normal and expected in Atheistopia as it is in our present world.  Additionally, there is never the slightest hint that Dangler’s long marriage, or the marriages of any of his sons, are anything less than excellent.

Indeed, so grief-stricken is Dangler that he goes for a walk on the Aare, ignoring the protestations of his aides, and half-hopes he’ll fall through the ice.  Oh, and turns out that more than one nameless grandson has died, too. Poor guy.  And he still has to lead the free world.

Jenkins makes a point of telling us that Dangler now sees life as “worthless, hopeless, pointless.”  HA, just like ALL atheists do, amirite?  What with their not believing in God and all!  I just knew that if God murdered half a man’s family, he would feel bad about life!

But Dangler powers through his grief, because, apparently, he is just that awesome a leader.  And his thoughts turn to the most important hero is the history of ever, Jerry Jenk—er, Paul Stepola.

Dangler, like Felicia, is absurdly, almost hilariously (in a cry-until-you-laugh way) forgiving of Paul.  Granted, Dangler doesn’t know it was Paul himself who authored the manifesto praying for the genocide, but he does know that this guy spent hours in his company, eating giant sammiches and talking philosophy, and never even sailed close to the area of even hinting that there might be a God who was ready to kill millions of babies and little boys and grown men.

Nope.  It is implied that Dangler was angry at Paul for about an hour or two, but now, with his son and grandsons two days dead, Dangler can admit that Paul was right…um, even though Paul never actually told the chancellor what he was really thinking.

God had needed to act in this dramatic fashion to get his attention.  It had been his own fault.

God needed to kill my innocent son and my little grandsons!  It all makes sense now!

Another one bites the dust.

The punishment for the crime of not believing shall be the deaths of children.  The atheists have created a world with no cancer, homelessness, or pollution, but since they have partaken in a thought crime that never hurt anyone anywhere, their children are sacrificed where they stand.  The sins of the fathers really are visited on the children.

Thinking about this just never stops being hideous.

Having this Stockholm-Syndrome-like epiphany, Dangler has only one thing to do…

GET ME PAUL STEPOLA!

Oh yeah.  He’s in hiding.  And Dangler knows that.  Whatever.

I’d like to think that Dangler just wants to get his hands on Paul so he can slowly strangle him, but we now know that won’t happen.  Wouldn’t want anyone to have a normal reaction to this event for more than a minute, would we?

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Posted on March 7, 2015, in Shadowed. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. God had needed to act in this dramatic fashion to get his attention.

    The third act of that movie with George Burns and John Denver plainly went through massive rewrites.

  2. It had been his own fault.

    God loves you, Baldwin! Why did you make God hurt you again?!

  3. I know these guys are caught up in their big asshole D&D game, but they’re honestly the dumbest spellcasters ever. Their own holy book establishes that their pet genie can influence people’s wills directly – you know, that whole “hardened Pharaoh’s heart” thing. So you know what would have been a smarter, better move that didn’t destroy everything? Getting their pet genie to soften the hearts of the current “Pharaohs” of the world. You’ve got Charm spells in your spell lists, dickheads, freaking use them.

  4. The ironic thing is that it’s the zealots who consider life worthless. Their repeated prayers for deady miracles prove that. As far as they’re concerned, if they die they go heaven so it doesn’t matter. If a young firstborn dies, he goes to heaven too. And if an old firstborn dies he’s a filthy sinner who asked for it. In all cases, the livds are treated as insignificant compared to the need for the world to give god the respect he allegedly deserves. That’s how Paul keep selling his murder sprees: God is finally fed up with all that rebelling.

    It’s strange to see how RTCs use the claims of people who say they went to heaven for a bit and saw unborn people having grown up there as an argument against abortion. At all other times they say that nothing matters more than the salvation of your soul. Shouldn’t they encourage heathens to have abortions? If that child grows up, odds are he’ll become a heathen too. But if he dies in the womb he’ll get to paradise immediately. Sure, the heathen getting the abortion has sinned, but as a heathen she was going to hell anyway. Telling a white lie now and then gets you in the lake of fire just as fast as murdering babies, so what does it matter? And if the heathen converts later, Jesus will wash away all her sins, including any murders. I don’t feel they thought this true.

    • And if more heathens have abortions, that means more RTCs and fewer heathens.

      Anybody might think they didn’t really care about abortions per se so much as about having a means by which to police a woman’s sexuality. I do try not to follow conspiracy theories and “they’re all just stupid and evil” thought patterns, but they make it really hard sometimes.

      • It doesn’t have to be a conspiracy theory, just has to be a product of a few key memes in someone’s worldview. The Bible does talk about women being subservient to men (key meme #1), and human sexuality is also denigrated – it’s kind of considered a symptom of the “fallen” nature of the world and inherently sinful (key meme #2). So there’s already a case for policing sexuality, and doing so for women more than men since power most readily projects downward (AKA, picking on someone weaker than you). And that’s not even getting into the whole Madonna/Whore thing vilifying women and women’s sexuality even further.

        Add a little extra common squick about abortion and you’ve got a convenient wedge issue for appealing to those key memes, and forcefully, to get people on your side. Not a conspiracy theory, just good old fashioned social engineering found in every political statement and act. Call it “motivating the base,” or “getting the vote out.” Even if it’s not evil, it is cynical as all hell.

  5. I applaud you, RubyTea. Every time I read one of your snarks on the non-adventures of Paul Stepola, I think if I had read this, my response would to be to scream the F-bomb at the top of my lungs, track down where Jerry Jenkins lives, go to his house, and beat out lengthy Morse Code messages into his skull using a tire iron. It may be the only way he’d learn that having your hero be a complete sociopath yet consistently presenting him as a good, upright and moral character, is a bad thing.

    But seriously?! God needing to get your attention by doing something horrible?! You run into this toxic meme a lot in the Left Behind verse and I know this example doesn’t capture the full magnitude of wrong, but ever read the Stephen King book, Misery? Early on, Paul, a writer being held captive by his insane number one fan, accidentally gets Annie (his insane fan and nurse) mad. She’s mad because she stumbled onto a manuscript for his latest book in which he uses a lot of foul language. When he tries to defend his language, Annie goes into a loud screaming rant which culminates in her throwing a bowl of stew at the wall, leaving a mess. She’s then like “See what you made me do!” and goes over and very slowly cleans up the mess, all the while making Paul wait in agony for the pain medication in which he’s become addicted to as a result of her “care.”

    Thing is, since while Stephen King probably won’t be reckoned among the greats of American Literature, he’s still miles better than Jerry Jenkins and knows that Annie’s behavior is sick and wrong and writes it as such. I don’t know how many of your posters have read the book, Misery, or if they’ve just seen the movie, but I highly recommend the book. It really touches on the subtle nature of abuse and on the power of writing and the love fans have for fictional creations.

    • Read it many years ago – I still remember the scene where he catches himself sliding into Stockholm syndrome and has to forcefully remind himself that he is most definitely NOT better off because of the things she’s done to him.

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Roundup for March 13, 2015 | The Slacktiverse

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