TEC: Chapter 16: Death Not by Falcon

So even though he knows that Talon is in Orlando and killing people, Murphy heads right back to the nursing home the next day, and takes Dr. Anderson out into the open for coffee and chatting.

But that’s okay.  Talon has no intention of using a falcon to kill Dr. Anderson.  For reasons best known to himself, Talon has chosen a far less awesome method of murder.

A hint: he’s sitting in a black SUV, reading Edgar Allen Poe.

And no, sadly the hint is not that Talon has some elaborate and literary method of murder in mind.  He’s just reading Poe because I guess that is what evil people read.

So they go to a nearby park and Anderson reveals that that very morning, he had gone down to “the office” of the nursing home, where he signed over power of attorney to Murphy so he (Murphy) could access his (Anderson’s) safe deposit box with his super-secret papers.

Hot damn.

I wonder how that went down.  I mean, is this just the most incompetent nursing home in the history of the world, to let a patient with Alzheimer’s give power of attorney to a complete stranger he met yesterday?  And this is a guy Murphy is sure is “as rational as Murphy himself.”  A guy who gives his life’s work, that he has been threatened over, to a complete stranger who says he is on the side of the good and the holy.

I just…

I take it the nursing home has never heard of financial elder abuse.  I had a grandparent in hospice, and I know how incredibly careful and strict such places are (or, in this case, should be) about people just showing up and ingratiating themselves to the residents.

And no, Murphy doesn’t even say thank you.

But he does head into the coffee shop by himself to treat Anderson to coffee and cinnamon rolls.  As he’s coming out, Talon tries to run him down with the SUV.  Despite “Murphy’s martial arts training instantly kick[ing] into gear,” he doesn’t even notice the car until he sees the look of fright on Anderson’s face.  Yeah, Murph, you’re aware of your surroundings like a frickin’ ninja, you are.

Murphy tries to leap forward and grab Anderson, then “jump to the side and pull Dr. Anderson with him” (yeah, it’s not the world’s best-written action sequence), but although Talon was originally aiming for Murphy, he hits Anderson instead.  And Talon sucks so bad at hit and runs that he thinks he’s hit and killed both of them, so he just speeds away.

Isn’t this guy supposed to be the greatest contract killer in the world?  Why does he suck so bad at this?  I mean, at the very least, why didn’t he reverse the murder methods?  That is, hit-and-run the cop and then sic his falcons on Murphy and Anderson.  I mean, I suppose it doesn’t matter since Talon’s previous murder barely registered with Murphy and didn’t change his behavior a bit, but still.

So Anderson dies in Murphy’s arms, but not before presenting him with the key to the safe deposit box containing the Antichrist-IVF papers, and saying that he wants to “be like the thief…on the cross,” a story Murphy told him yesterday.  Which I suppose means Anderson went to heaven, though this seems a very loose version of saying the magic words.

So now that he has the key and Anderson is dead, Murphy probably has just enough time to hit up The Wizarding World of Harry Potter before catching his plane back to North Carolina.  Sure, it’s evil, but it’s also SO GORRAM AMAZING!!!1!11!!

I wish I got paid for plugs like that.  😀

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Posted on March 20, 2016, in The Europa Conspiracy. Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. I just… I don’t even know what to say to this. Such a shitshow of bad writing, unrealistic characters, and complete disinterest in how the world works. I know that describes so much of the stuff already reviewed on here, especially anything vomited up by Jerry Jenkins or urinated upon by Tim LaHaye, but for some reason this part just hit me as so emblematic of everything wrong.

    Though given LaHaye’s line of work and the quality of his “theology,” I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a fair few colleagues who were quite practiced at fleecing the elderly of their worldly assets, if he hasn’t done such a thing himself. Maybe as far as he’s concerned it really is that easy and this was one of his consults on the plot.

  2. Cargo-cult! The informant gives vital information before he’s killed, but the bad guy doesn’t know he’s already talked to the good guy. It happens in good stories that people actually want to read, so it must happen here too.

    When you mentioned “sitting in a black SUV, reading Edgar Allen Poe” my immediate thoughts were (1) is he branching out into ravens or (2) “we found him at the bottom of a pit, with a descending pendulum overhead” – next on CSI: Orlando.

    I don’t know about LaHaye. Sometimes I think he’s just a cynical cash-in, sometimes I think he must actually believe this stuff. I’d find the latter rather sadder; I can have a certain grudging admiration for a skilled con-man, but not for a sucker.

  3. I guess this nursing home keeps a lawyer and a notary on staff, just for patients who want to give power of attorney to random strangers?

  4. I wonder which martial arts classes teach techniques to avoid being run down by cars, anyway.

    • To be grudgingly fair, pretty much any decent martial arts training will leave you with enhanced situational awareness and a better ability to move quickly in the direction you want to go.

  5. inquisitiveraven

    Friction ninja? Is that a ninja with a special ability related to friction?

  6. For a moment there, I thought Talon was gonna use a raven to kill Anderson. Didn’t expect him to just hit him with his car.

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Roundup for March 25th, 2016 | The Slacktiverse

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