TEC: Chapter 23:Wikipedia and Well-Oiled Machines
After the terribly romantic, three-wheeled dinner, Levi has a “late appointment.” Murphy offers to drive him, in a rental car, to this super-sekrit Mossad meeting.
After dropping off Isis at the hotel, of course. Because this is all “men talk,” remember.
Bob Phillips proudly takes up Jerry Jenkins’ mantle of Provider of Travel Minutiae:
Murphy drove north and then turned east on 62nd Street to the FDR Drive.
“Michael, take the toll bridge over to Randalls Island Park and then highway 278 into the Bronx. I need to meet my contact near Hunts Point Market.”
But Phillips also knows to stick with his strengths: regurgitating useless trivia…
Murphy had been to Hunts Point on one other occasion, on the way to the Bronx Zoo with some friends.
Murphy has friends?
They wanted him to see one of the largest food distribution centers in the United States. He remembered them saying that it provided produce and meat for more than 15 million people.
Yes, Murphy always enjoyed hanging out with his good buddy, Wik I. Pedia, Esq.
Not to be outdone, part-time Mossad agent Levi Abrams is deep into useless trivia, too:
“Did you know that a number of famous people came from the Bronx? … Regis Philbin, Carl Reiner, and even Colin Powell. I met him in Israel. … I also heard that the movie actors James Caan and Tony Curtis, along with Bobby Darin, the singer, and Ralph Lauren, the designer and perfume guy, lived there. I think Al Pacino and Neil Simon came from the Bronx, too.”
In a move of almost unbelievable stupidity and selfishness, Levi instructs his civilian friend in a rental car to make a series of painfully obvious signals to Levi’s spy pal, Jacob, in another car. They hop into Jacob’s car, where Levi casually informs Jacob that civilian Murphy can be absolutely trusted with all their terrorism-fighting secrets. These secrets include the names of the terrorists we met in the last chapter, including Asim, who “looks like a short Saddam.”
I’m frankly surprised that all Arabs don’t look like Saddam to these guys.
The only other information is that a vague attack is vaguely planned for New York, but they haven’t been able to decode anything else yet, because I guess they suck.
Then the guys go around the block to find the third sekrit squirrel Mossad agent, Matthew. Sadly, Matthew has met a sticky end from a terrorist knifing, and Jacob concludes that they need to go after the terrorists RIGHT DAMN NOW, in the middle of the night, in an unfamiliar neighborhood, without backup.
Except for Murphy. He wants to go. And they let him. Even though Murphy doesn’t have a gun and they don’t have a spare.
And it’s no problem, really, because the terrorists live in a building on that very block. Again, you’d think that would be a great reason to stay put and call in reinforcements, but no, they all just barge up there and break in.
Abrams rounded the corner of the door with his gun read for action…
The first suspected terrorist (I’m going to start calling them Arab #X, because that is basically how Murphy thinks of them) is knocked out by Levi’s gun as he sleeps in front of the TV.
Then, despite Murphy’s impression that Levi and Jacob are “like a well-oiled machine” of terrorist-fighting, Jacob is immediately shot in the thigh by Arab #2, allowing Murphy to step in and, much like Batman, take down the terrorist without using a gun. Instead, he uses his “twisting karate fist” to one-punch the terrorist into unconsciousness.
Jacob concludes that Arabs 3-7 are at some bar (because these are extra-specially evil terrorists who are religious zealots but still drink the demon liquor). So in the meantime, Levi pulls the old scratch-on-the-pad-of-paper-to-see-the-previous-page schtick (I remember seeing it for the first time as a kid in North by Northwest, but I’m sure there are prior incidents), and all that is there is the word “Presidio.”
Levi thinks this might refer to the Presidio military base, but Murphy knows better:
“There is also a sleepy little town called Presidio in Texas. It’s on the border between Texas and Mexico. The Rio Grande runs between Presidio on the American side and Ojinaga on the Mexican side. Presidio has grown to about six or seven thousand people due to the amnesty program for undocumented aliens. During the Mexican Revolution, General Pancho Villa used Ojinaga as his headquarters for operations. It would be a perfect place to infiltrate the border.”
Okay, first of all, thanks again, old pal…
Second of all, hasn’t the border already been infiltrated? I mean, seven terrorists are lodging in the Bronx and have already killed a Mossad agent in their free time.
Oh, and speaking of the terrorists, while Murphy was expositioning, Arab #1 has woken up, and he jumps Levi. So Levi breaks his nose. As you would.
What a well-oiled machine, eh? Didn’t even occur to them to restrain the guy.
And they still don’t. Nope, that broken nose didn’t automatically kill the grown man, like you would expect. Instead, Arab #1 makes a run for it, and before any of the three other men in the room can stop him (really?), Arab #1 has jumped out the window onto the fire escape, and makes for the roof.
So Jacob is left with one gun, in case any of the other FIVE terrorists come back (or Arab #2, also not restrained, wakes up, I guess), and Levi and Murphy give chase.