TEC: Chapter 30: Rio de Conspiracy
With a clear plan to confirm Murphy’s wild conspiracy speculations, we now check in with The Seven (TSAN!) during their planning meeting.
This time, they’ve opted to meet in Rio, which is cool. What’s not cool is the way the story manages to contradict itself immediately:
John Bartholomew thinks that Rio is a great city to meet in because it’s “one of the most crowded cities in the world.”
Then he thinks how nice it was of Señor Mendez to book them a huge villa at Copacabana Beach, “a secluded spot where they would be alone.”
Then he thinks how funny it is that they’ll be planning to “destroy Christianity, the rule of law, and set the stage for the Anti-Christ in the shadow of Corcovado Mountain with the giant Christ the Redeemer Statue on top.”
Okay, admittedly, that is fairly bad-ass.
Or it would be, if they were actually DOING something instead of once again hitting the planning phase of the…plan. Man, three books in, and they’re still going over hard-copy (REALLY???) to-do lists of their nefarious schemes.
Admittedly, it is hilarious the way they talk about their plans. I kinda like these planning stages, just for the way they phrase things:
“We have begun to plant the suggestion into the minds of key UN leaders to consider moving the United Nations organization from the United States to Babylon in Iraq. … Rebuilding Babylon will bring back Arab pride and give them all something to focus their energy on. … The United States would still have to support the UN or be accused of being Arab-phobic.”
I wonder if LaPhillips are speaking from experience with this whole weird accusations-of-being-“Arab-phobic” thing.
BECAUSE MAYBE THERE WERE MORE ARABS!
(I’ll never get tired of that line.)
Then they talk about their plans for wars and rumors of wars:
“We have begun a plan to create a crisis between India and Pakistan. … We have already started stirring up the North Koreans over the nuclear issue.”
I’d love to know how they’re actually accomplishing this. I have a feeling they’re just taking credit for what’s already happening.
Then they talk about trade and it’s just as boring as talking about trade always is.
Then they get to the smallpox and anthrax attacks they’re planning, which also sound like a bad-ass way to spread panic, but once again, we’re given no details.
Then on to the stock market. Zzzzzzzz…
Okay, now the fun stuff:
“We will infuse money into the Americans’ next presidential election. Our plan is to support those candidates who are more liberal and socialistic in their thinking.”
Because we all know that those eeeevil libruls are but a step from the Anti-Christ himself!
Oh, and then they have this bizarre sub-plan to set a bunch of fires. Yes, actual fires. So that…firefighters will be kept busy, or something:
“The plan is to cause erosion problems, which will lead to increased runoff, mudslides, and flooding. Hopefully this will damage crops, structures, and transportation.”
Everyone nodded in agreement. The plan sounded wonderful to them.
If you say so, man.
On to the religion plans!
“We will begin funding various religious leaders and also begin to call for all faiths to unite.”
“We’ll fund individuals and also work to bring everyone together equally! This is sure to work!”
“We will push for the universal brotherhood of man.”
“We will support and encourage the homosexual community.”
“Those who oppose them will be ridiculed, threatened, punished. We can do this by instituting legislation that will take away critical tax advantages for churches and religious organizations.”
It’s hilarious that this would qualify as threatening or punishing. Still, the tax idea? Nice. I approve.
“Any who oppose our plan can be accused of hate speech and jailed for nonconformity.”
Jailed for nonconformity? Are they for real? This is what LaPhillips think American secularists are into? Jailing people for nonconformity?
Man, American Christians have it so tough, don’t they? In a novel written by two RTCs, fictional villains talk about the possibility of jailing people…for nonconforming thoughts on gay rights. No wonder preachers are constantly prepping their flocks for persecution.
Oh, and The Seven (TSAN!) end the meeting saying it will all come together if Talon does his job. Which I wouldn’t bank on, given how he still hasn’t even managed to kill Murphy, a man who takes zero precautions whatsoever with his own safety and security.
Damn, looks like the atheist-theosophical-UN-librul-LGBT-Catholic-feminist-socialist-Arab-forest-fighting worldwide conspiracy is screwed.