TEC: Chapter 37: Exotic Locations
Well, we’re finally getting away from the Moar Arabs chasing Murphy and Isis, and getting to the Moar Arabs invading Presidio, Texas.
We open with a paragraph about how hard it is to get to Presidio–a 4-hour drive from the nearest airport of any size. Looking at Presidio’s own website, seems Phillips did his proper research here–it really is a town that’s kinda in the middle of nowhere. It is also a town, according to Phillips’ favorite research site, that has a population that is well over 90% Hispanic/Latino. And this is a population of only 4,000-5,000 to begin with. In other words, about the size of a smallish college or university like Dartmouth or Brandeis or something. In other other words, a difficult place to blend in, disappear, and never be seen if you happen to be a Moar Arab…or, for that matter, an Israeli Mossad agent.
Levi stops in town to ask for direction, making sure he is conspicuous from the moment of his arrival. Then he finds his fellow agent David, who has been staked out in a run-down motel for 20 days now, keeping watch over four Arabs who have moved into a shed down by the river…
…but, much like Levi, make themselves as much of a spectacle as possible by using high-end cell phones and flashing huge wads of cash to buy used vans.
This assignment, btw, David refers to as “boring.”
But it’s okay now, because Levi has “been given the green light to put the pressure on.” Which vague direction they take to mean they get to grab one of the Moar Arabs and interrogate him. So they follow him to a tiny grocery store…
Inside the small store, David quickly spotted the Arab at the far end of one of the aisles. David picked up a box of cereal and pretended to read the label. After a moment he glanced up only to see the Arab staring at him. Although their eyes met only briefly, David could sense that the man was uncomfortable.
Oh no! He might have made me! David turned and walked away, attempting to look as if he was completely uninterested.
WORST. SECRET. AGENT. EVER.
So, why didn’t they just wait for the guy outside and then snatch him? What was achieved by going into the store in the first place?
Anyway, the Moar Arab makes a run for it, and David chases him like an idiot. Yeah, good job AGAIN at keeping a low profile, jerk. They go on a high-speed chase through the town, which sounds kinda silly in a town of 4,500 with one main drag. It all ends in tears when the Moar Arab tries and fails to beat a train at a crossing. So Levi and David bugger off back to the Moar Arab shack in case Train Guy alerted his compadres.
When they get to the shack, turns out Train Guy did alert his compadres, who are packing to leave. Holy crap are Levi and David worse than useless at this spy thing!
Upon seeing the besets secret agents in the world, one of the Moar Arabs breaks out his “rocket-propelled grenade launcher“…
…and proceed to blow up Levi’s rental car. Fortunately
unfortunately, Levi and David have already exited. So a small arms firefight ensues, and eventually Levi and David decide to “crawl around and approach them from the rear.” This maneuver takes them seven minutes.
As they took up their positions, they heard a motor start: the van!
“Aw, shucks, Dave, I never anticipated they would try to make a break for it during the SEVEN MINUTE break we gave them!”
And then they hear sirens in the distance. ‘Cause exploding a whole rental car caught the attention of the police, go figure. So they have but a few seconds to search the shack. Inside they find only some weapons and two dead Moar Arabs, because (again, go figure), the live Moar Arabs took everything important when they left.
Then Levi goes to check the outhouse:
The odor was repellent.
I hate these things, he thought with distaste.
Yeah, how unusual, because most people love the smell of outhouses. Kinda like most people love waiting in TSA lines at the airport.
But Levi muscles through the odors, and finds a metal box. So Levi and David take it with them as they swim across the Rio Grande to Mexico to evade the Presidio police.
As you would.