TEC: Chapter 45: Lily-Livered Cowards
So guess what, guys? This one chapter brings an end to the whole terrorist plot!
And so far, Michael Murphy hasn’t even exited his car.
And you know who else hasn’t yet exited his vehicle?
Buck Wilson had been driving eighteen-wheelers cross-country for over twenty years.
Looks like Chloe kicked his sorry ass out, eh?
Buck Williams-Wilson hears the terror alert on his radio as he crosses the bridge.
Those lily-livered cowards! They only attack innocent women and children!
Yeah, how fortunate for the terrorist that they picked a day when only women and children would be on the George Washington Bridge.
Buck “couldn’t contain his anger,” so he just gets out of his truck and starts wandering around the bridge. While there’s a traffic jam caused by a terror alert.
He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he couldn’t just sit there.
How…manly? Buck-like? I’m not sure.
But while wandering around in a rage and haze, Buck sees someone he can take his rage out on–an Arab!
Okay, to be fair, the radio is actually at the point of revealing the license plate numbers of the trucks with the bombs, so Buck actually knows he’s beating on a terrorist, not just a random dark-skinned man who happened to be passing by.
Like the mob from the last chapter.
Meanwhile, Murphy finally decides to get out of his gorram car.
He had mixed emotions as he ran. On one hand, he hoped that the trucks were not on the bridge. Maybe it would only be a false alarm. On the other hand, if the trucks were on the bridge, he was praying that God would give him the strength and wisdom to stop the attack.
That’s…not how having mixed emotions works. Or, for that matter, things being on one hand and the other. It is not having mixed emotions to have a contingency plan. (Now, I would also argue that praying is not a contingency plan, but I’ll let that slide this time.)
More importantly, it is not having things on one hand and the other to hope a terror alert is a false alarm, and hope God lets you stop the attack. If, on one hand, you are hoping a terror alert is a false alarm, then the other hand would be hoping it is not a false alarm. Apples to apples, yanno?
Of course, this is a genre where our “heroes” celebrate terror attacks, as long as they’re perpetrated by their god and happen to atheists, so I’m not for a moment putting it past Michael Murphy to hope a terror alert is for real.
Once he gets to the bridge, Murphy immediately sees the truck, which seems unlikely. He heads for it.
He could sense people watching his movements. Probably they’d think that he was some driver who gotten out of his car and was acting irrationally.
Ah, I see. White guy running along the bridge = guy acting irrationally. Dark-skinned guy running along the bridge = evil terrorist; beat him down immediately.
Fortunately, the innocent white hero who is acting irrationally sees an evil Moar Arab. He tackles him, and of course Murphy has found, on the whole length and level of that bridge, the one guy who is holding the detonator. Talk about luck!
Of course, this terrorist who was mere seconds away from completing his nefarious scheme is carrying for his protection…not a gun, but a little switchblade. Yeah, that would have helped him a ton had he been stopped by the police.
But it’s a good thing, too, because if he had a gun, he could just shoot Murphy, and then where would we be? The Moar Arab gets in exactly one lunge, too, before Murphy disarms him.
So, not exactly Britt, is he?
In fact, turns out the Moar Arab is actually better now that he’s been disarmed. He kicks Murphy in the chest and then hits him in the face.
It’s probably wrong of me that such a turn of events makes me smile a bit, isn’t it?
So Murphy ends it by doing some weird wrestling move where he basically sits on the guy’s neck:
Murphy jumped up slightly and wrapped his right arm around Asim’s neck, then shot both his feet off the ground and dropped straight down with his full body weight on the back of Asim’s head. The terrorist did a direct face plant into the asphalt with Murphy on top of him.
Okay. I guess.
Man, remember back when Murphy was an archer? That would have been kinda cool actually–taking out terrorists Robin Hood style!
Then the SWAT team shows up, and Murphy is actually cuffed right alongside the terrorists!
Hey, don’t they realize he’s white???
Actually, they do, but apparently not until later that afternoon, when they get that whole pesky terror plot “sorted out.”
I wonder if they cuffed the guys who jumped and beat on the man who was just Walking While Arab.
Oh, and during all this, the pregnant woman doesn’t even realize anything was ever wrong, because she was listening to CDs.