TEC: Chapter 45: Lily-Livered Cowards

So guess what, guys?  This one chapter brings an end to the whole terrorist plot!

And so far, Michael Murphy hasn’t even exited his car.

And you know who else hasn’t yet exited his vehicle?

Buck Wilson had been driving eighteen-wheelers cross-country for over twenty years.

WAIT, WHAT?

Looks like Chloe kicked his sorry ass out, eh?

Buck Williams-Wilson hears the terror alert on his radio as he crosses the bridge.

Those lily-livered cowards!  They only attack innocent women and children!

Yeah, how fortunate for the terrorist that they picked a day when only women and children would be on the George Washington Bridge.

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Buck “couldn’t contain his anger,” so he just gets out of his truck and starts wandering around the bridge.  While there’s a traffic jam caused by a terror alert.

He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he couldn’t just sit there.

How…manly?  Buck-like?  I’m not sure.

But while wandering around in a rage and haze, Buck sees someone he can take his rage out on–an Arab!

Okay, to be fair, the radio is actually at the point of revealing the license plate numbers of the trucks with the bombs, so Buck actually knows he’s beating on a terrorist, not just a random dark-skinned man who happened to be passing by.

Like the mob from the last chapter.

Meanwhile, Murphy finally decides to get out of his gorram car.

He had mixed emotions as he ran.  On one hand, he hoped that the trucks were not on the bridge.  Maybe it would only be a false alarm.  On the other hand, if the trucks were on the bridge, he was praying that God would give him the strength and wisdom to stop the attack.

That’s…not how having mixed emotions works.  Or, for that matter, things being on one hand and the other.  It is not having mixed emotions to have a contingency plan.  (Now, I would also argue that praying is not a contingency plan, but I’ll let that slide this time.)

More importantly, it is not having things on one hand and the other to hope a terror alert is a false alarm, and hope God lets you stop the attack.  If, on one hand, you are hoping a terror alert is a false alarm, then the other hand would be hoping it is not a false alarm.  Apples to apples, yanno?

Of course, this is a genre where our “heroes” celebrate terror attacks, as long as they’re perpetrated by their god and happen to atheists, so I’m not for a moment putting it past Michael Murphy to hope a terror alert is for real.

Once he gets to the bridge, Murphy immediately sees the truck, which seems unlikely.  He heads for it.

He could sense people watching his movements.  Probably they’d think that he was some driver who gotten out of his car and was acting irrationally.

Ah, I see.  White guy running along the bridge = guy acting irrationally.  Dark-skinned guy running along the bridge = evil terrorist; beat him down immediately.

Fortunately, the innocent white hero who is acting irrationally sees an evil Moar Arab.  He tackles him, and of course Murphy has found, on the whole length and level of that bridge, the one guy who is holding the detonator.  Talk about luck!

Of course, this terrorist who was mere seconds away from completing his nefarious scheme is carrying for his protection…not a gun, but a little switchblade.  Yeah, that would have helped him a ton had he been stopped by the police.

But it’s a good thing, too, because if he had a gun, he could just shoot Murphy, and then where would we be?  The Moar Arab gets in exactly one lunge, too, before Murphy disarms him.

So, not exactly Britt, is he?

In fact, turns out the Moar Arab is actually better now that he’s been disarmed.  He kicks Murphy in the chest and then hits him in the face.

It’s probably wrong of me that such a turn of events makes me smile a bit, isn’t it?

So Murphy ends it by doing some weird wrestling move where he basically sits on the guy’s neck:

Murphy jumped up slightly and wrapped his right arm around Asim’s neck, then shot both his feet off the ground and dropped straight down with his full body weight on the back of Asim’s head.  The terrorist did a direct face plant into the asphalt with Murphy on top of him.

Okay.  I guess.

Man, remember back when Murphy was an archer?  That would have been kinda cool actually–taking out terrorists Robin Hood style!

Then the SWAT team shows up, and Murphy is actually cuffed right alongside the terrorists!

Hey, don’t they realize he’s white???

Actually, they do, but apparently not until later that afternoon, when they get that whole pesky terror plot “sorted out.”

I wonder if they cuffed the guys who jumped and beat on the man who was just Walking While Arab.

Oh, and during all this, the pregnant woman doesn’t even realize anything was ever wrong, because she was listening to CDs.

HA!

WIMMIN, AMIRITE?

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Posted on September 20, 2016, in The Europa Conspiracy. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Where did Bucky boy stop his truck? On the middle of the bridge, thus trapping all the cars behind him on the soon to be bombed bridge? Sounds like our Buck alright.

    How did the radio guy know the licence plate numbers? Why weren’t they stopping people going on the bridge if they knew so much. Why was the Moar Arab exiting, or even stopping, their bomb truck instead of blowing them up the second they reached the center.

    And yeah, imagine if Talon, or some white henchman of the Seven (They stop at nothing!) had been helping them. No one would’ve even tried to stop him, since he wasn’t an Arab. And we know there are plenty of potential henchmen, given that hilarious list of groups that are on the Seven’s payroll.

    So the subplot has ended has it? Well, that was amazingly relevant to the artifact hunt, wasn’t it?

  2. Guns are only for Real Americans, not… you know… THEM.

  3. This book series already has Murphy, it didn’t need an alternate universe version of Buck Williams as well. And the Moar Arabs’ plan was pretty stupid, if it can be stopped by idiots like Murphy and Buck.

    • I think we’ve discussed at some length how stupid it was. 🙂

      (And yes, Ivan, I was expecting suicide bombers too – it’s the Moar Arab stereotype, after all.)

      “Why do they call you Buck?” “There was this time in a truck stop. I don’t want to talk about it.”

      • Unless your bomb trucks have a shit ton of lead shielding, I think that any attack with them is a suicide attack, whether or not you stay in the car.

        Well, maybe not if your radioactive payload is something that can be turned into powder and emits Alpha radiation. I had a radiation safety course in University. The trick is that Gamma radiation gets through everything but does little harm, Alpha radiation is devastating but can’t penetrate your skin, so Beta radiation is the most hazardous. But if a dirty bomb spreads a cloud of Alpha-radiation-emitting dust, that’d be fairly safe for the driver before the explosion, but dangerous for anyone breathing in the dust afterwards. There’s no skin on the inside of your body after all.

        Anyone wanna bet that the Most Arabs/Philips made no such considerations?

        • It’s not hard to build a bomb that’s safe to transport – sure, it makes it heavier, but you have a truck.

          Once it goes off next to you, yeah, you’re pretty much dead.

          But really the importance of the r-bomb is as a terror weapon: it won’t do nearly as much damage as adding more explosive instead of the radioactive payload would, but it will make people unwilling to enter the contaminated area.

          For this reason you probably want a relatively inactive nuclide – so that it’ll last as perceived contamination for a really long time.

          • I haven’t crunched any numbers, but I’d guess that if you’re going to build and transport a dirty bomb, using facilities that you can hide from the authorities, you might as well make it a suicide attack, cause I suspect cancer will kill those involved in a few years.

            Unless, as you say, it’s only a piddling amount of radioactive material added to make the public go “OMG! Nuclear weapons! We’re all gonna die!”

  4. Buck Williams’ mind was on an Arab he had never touched. With his fully loaded 18-wheeler on cruise control on the interstate en route to a 6 A.M. arrival at Chicago, Buck had pushed from his mind thoughts of the terrorist he had beaten up on the George Washington Bridge.

    Buck used to look back on that memory fondly, back when he saw himself as a hero. He was in the middle of an undercover story exposing the sorry state of truck stop bathrooms (using the secret identity of Buck Wilson and this very truck, which he had bough with the company credit card), when he heard on the radio about the terrorist attack in progress on the very bridge he was trying to get across.

    In a righteous rage, he had gotten out of his truck and tracked down the closest vehicle with a license plate number that matched the ones spouted out on the radio. Then, he saw the terrorist, and attacked him in order to stop the bombing. Buck always prided himself on being able to tell if someone was a terrorist just by looking at them, and in this case it actually paid off, as he was able to react fast enough to save the bridge and everyone on it.

    Or so he thought. During the investigation and police questioning he was subjected to, which Buck had found to be very boring, he found out that credit for saving the bridge was going to go to some ivory tower academic named Michael Murphy, because the terrorist he beat up just so happened to be the one holding the detonator. Buck had smiled outwardly, but cursed his luck in silence. His Arab hadn’t even been armed, but he did take him on alone, unlike the other one that a bunch of other people had heroically beaten into the ground before he could alert his terrorist friends.

    The police had let him go after a long, rigorous string of questions, and he had even shook hands with one of them. But all the while, Buck had been thinking.

    Sure, this Murphy guy may have gotten the one with the detonator. But who supplied the Arabs with the dirty bomb? Who told them to target the George Washington Bridge? And why did Murphy just so happen to be at the right place at the right time to get all the glory? Buck’s keen reporter instincts smelled a conspiracy.

    So he was heading back to the office to turn in his report on the truck station bathrooms. But afterwords, he was going to look into this ‘Michael Murphy’, see what kind of connections he had.

    Perhaps Buck wouldn’t find anything. Or maybe he would find out that this Murphy had more connections to these ‘random’ terrorists than anyone else would realize. And Buck vowed to himself that if that was the case, that he would be known as the man who broke the story to the world, and who had been there to foil the terrorists from the very beginning.

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Roundup for September 23rd, 2016 | The Slacktiverse

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