TEC: Chapter 52, Part 2: Proud to Be an American

Isis has fallen asleep on Murphy’s shoulder, and Murphy has apparently prayed himself almost to sleep along with her, but, like a bad penny (or, for that matter, that guy in the next seat on a plane who will just not shut up), Bingman wants to ask a bunch of questions.  Many of which, you would think, he would have wanted to ask before getting on this plane:

“Michael, have you been to Baghdad before?”

“Will it be dangerous for us?”

Murphy answers that he doesn’t think so, since they’ll have a military escort during their Indiana Jones mission and all, and this bizarrely segues into a discussion of closed borders:

“I think the president has the right idea in calling in the Guard and closing all the borders into the United States.  However, I think he should have done it earlier.  It’s sort of like closing the barn door after the cows are already out.” [said Bangman]

“I think we’ll see that his decision is not temporary, Will.  Closed borders may well become part of our national police in the future.  People may demand protection, and the politicians will have to respond.”

Yup, sure wouldn’t want any open borders, now would we?

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So timely of you, Phillips!

“To be honest with you, Michael, I think I’d prefer a closed border to having to watch out for terrorists all the time.  Does that sound awful?”

No, dear.  It just sounds stupid.

Oh, and I’d like to remind Phillips everyone that only one person died in the George Washington Bridge incident, and he was one of the terrorists.

Oh oh, and to add an ironic cherry to this sundae, Murphy and Bingster are having this conversation while on an international flight.  Man, good thing Iraq didn’t close its borders to you, eh, Mike?

“It won’t make us the most popular country by other nations if we do make it more difficult for people to visit,” Bingman said pensively.

“Well, a lot of them haven’t liked us when we’ve had an open door policy,” Murphy replied.  “They like our money and our freedom, and want to live here, yet they hate us at the same time.  It is a strange situation.”

STRANGE!!!

Also, I would love for Murphy to name a country, just one, that he likes.

But Bingham is optimistic:

“America is made up of people from hundreds of countries who have blended together.  It has truly become the land of the free and those who seek freedom.”

But to hell with all that!  CLOSE THOSE BORDERS RIGHT NOW!  LEVI ABRAMS AND ISIS PROSERPINA MCDONALD HAVE NO BUSINESS IN THIS COUNTRY!

(Yeah, just in case Phillips y’all forgot, Murphy is having this conversation about keeping immigrants out while an immigrant, with whom he has fallen in love, snoozes on his shoulder.)

“That’s what our Statue of Liberty is all about.  It sure makes me feel proud to be an American.”

Man, that song drives me right up a wall.  The lyrics are so bizarrely blunt force (“where at least I know I’m free”?) and it gets stuck in your head all damn day.

Also, I once again feel like LaHaye and Phillips are big fans of Team America, yet don’t realize it’s satire.

 

But Murphy has words of warning about the biggest, scariest, grossest threat to America EVER.

No, not that guy!

I’m talking about the evils of Tolerance and Multiculturalism.

“One of the things that will destroy America the fastest is when people from other countries come here and try to recreate their own country on American soil.  That type of multiculturalism will cause division.”

Right, Murphy.

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This then segues into a discussion about moving the UN headquarters to Babylon, and this is Murphy’s immediate response:

“…in the long run, I think it’s part of a move for a one-world government to be led by the Anti-Christ.”

Murphy’s just a bundle of happiness on this flight, isn’t he?

“You’re probably right, Michael.  I wonder how we fit into the picture.”

Gawd, if this Bingbert isn’t the most sycophantic clown ever.

“I think our role is to try to sound a warning about future judgment and share the good news that God has provided a solution to the problems of the world through Jesus.  He is the only one who can lead us to peace with God and harmony with our fellow man–not the Anti-Christ.  We live in exciting days, Will, and I think they’re going to get even more exciting as we draw closer to His return.”

Well, yeah, kinda, Murphy.  Then again, isn’t your part in this more akin to Irene Steele’s? You’re going to be missing out on all the “excitement” of the Tribulation.

(By the way, I can think of a worse story than the Rapture happening, and Isis Proserpina McDonald being left behind to lead a brave band of survivors against both the AntiChrist and the God who let all this happen.)

There was silence for a while as both men thought about their own roles and responsibilities.

A silence that I’m sure all their fellow passengers are thanking their lucky stars for.

Also, I can just imagine Murphy’s thoughts about his “roles and responsibilities“: “Huh, that class I was teaching?  Did I need to do anything about that before heading to Iraq?  NAH.”

Then they talk about Bingster’s kids: Amber, Amy, and Adam.  Oh boy.

And his wife is Arlene, who I’m taking a wild guess was solely in charge of child-naming.  What, no love for Will?  Couldn’t name the kids Wilhelmena, Wendolyn, and Watelford?

Honestly, given Murphy’s history in these sorts of expeditions, it’s a bit odd that family man Will is so gung-ho about it.  (There was that 66.6% death rate on the Ararat expedition.)  But Murphy cheerfully promises Will more “excitement” in Iraq.

Yeah, I bet.

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Posted on November 2, 2016, in The Europa Conspiracy. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Also, “like closing the barn door after the cows are already out”?!? Why cows? The usual phrasing* is about horses rather than cows. Is there a point to that substitution, or just more tin ear for cliches?

    * Are we still doing that?

  2. I think it’s part of a move for a one-world government to be led by the Anti-Christ.

    Sure. I mean, if your goal is to rule the word, the obvious first step is to move your headquarters out of the media and financial center of New York City — in the military powerhouse of the United States — and put it here.

  3. We live in exciting days, Will

    And there’s the roleplaying. The reader gets to pretend that they, too, are living in exciting days. That there’s something special going on behind their humdrum, day-to-day existence. Something special, with them in the center of it!

  4. There’s so much wrong with what these two characters are saying in this part of a chapter, it’s just ridiculous. It’s Trump levels of stupid and ignorant, definitely.

    • Yeah, this plus the stuff with Isisbot last time feels like the “oh crap, we haven’t reminded our readers we’re in a PMD-Bircherist novel for whole pages, let’s get the lecture in now before they go back to sleep” chapter.

  5. I’m sure Murphy loves Israel. Especially the sound it’ll make when his god and the Antichrist take turns grinding it into the dirt.

  6. “One of the things that will destroy America the fastest is when people from other countries come here and try to recreate their own country on American soil.”

    Oh yeah, like *New England*. *banging head on keyboard*

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Roundup for November 4th, 2016 | The Slacktiverse

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