TEoD: Chapter 47: Tumors and Rats
Back in the Biblical flashback again, and moving right along (faster than the main plot of this book, by quite a bit), this time we do I Samuel 6, 1-12.
It begins thusly:
Painful only slightly describes the ten-mile journey from Ashdod near the great sea called the Mediterranean. The inland march to Gath and the great village of giants was torture, to say the least.
GET YOU SOME
That is just one of the most awkward, redundant passages I have read in these books, and this particular book just spent two chapters killing a barely-named character.
Now, I’ve skimmed over this so far, because it’s mostly just boring, but this is where things get weird.
Now, if you read the Bible section I linked, or this silly chapter that just recaps it and adds a few random names to random characters, you’ll see the cray on full display:
“If you send away the Ark of the God of Israel, do not send it empty. We need to return it with a trespass offering. … I suggest five golden tumors and five golden rats…”
Yeah, they’re going to make golden RATS and golden TUMORS.
Yanno, if Michael Murphy really wants to find some extraordinary biblical artifacts, I think he should concentrate on the golden TUMOR angle. Because holy crap, why wouldn’t you, right?
Just today, I was listening to Christian radio, and Rick Warren was telling me how without the Bible, there would be no rules, no standards, we could do whatever we wanted with no consequences. Which, no, because …
But also because, seriously? You’re taking up space in the Inspired Law Book of God’s Infallible Lawful Word…talking about making TUMORS out of GOLD.
I mean, holy crap.