TEoD: Chapter 49: Stepford Isis and Meta-Isis
Well, I know we all know and love Meta-Isis, the woman with a brain and a big heart and no patience whatsoever for one arrogant douchebag named Michael Murphy.
Well, sorry, guys. We all suspected this day would come…
Isis calls Murphy’s office. Well, actually, and rather bizarrely, even though she has called his office multiple times in the past, this time, she ends up on the switchboard, then is connected to Murphy’s office…and Shari answers.
And because Isis is a lovely person, she commiserates with Shari about the attack by Talon, and asks about Paul’s condition and welfare. And because Paul has been put on pause since the attack, he is exactly the same as he has been since the night of the attack, even though so many days have passed. Isis listens with sympathy and understanding, not even laughing when Shari, clearly delusional, says that Murphy has “been very supportive through this tough time.” Really, Shari, while he was jetting off to D.C. to break up with Isis and never spared a thought for you and Paul, or when he was abusing gypsies and never spared a thought for you and Paul.
At least Isis wasn’t calling to beg Murphy to come back to her. She was calling to talk about the actual archaeological dig that Murphy should have gone on 200 pages ago: she did some more research and found out some random facts about the Temple of Dagon. So, speaking of delusional, seems Isis still believes Murphy will get off the couch and on a plane at some point. She ends the call with one more kind wish to Shari that Paul’s condition improves.
But Isis has a secret that she didn’t tell Shari…
Then it turns out that Isis has already “made the transaction.”
I know, I know…
I mean, like this day wasn’t fucked enough…
Okay, okay, so here we go:
Turns out that in the great tradition of Christian fiction, Isis was converted by a woman. Some chick named Lisa, a coworker at the Parchments of Freedom Foundation, did the standard-issue conversion trick: find someone at an emotional low point, act like you actually care about her as a person, then give credit to Jesus when the person’s life improves, as most people’s lives do after an emotional low point.
Hilariously, Phillips kinda accidentally insults Murphy, stating that it wasn’t until Isis started going to Lisa’s Bible study that she “began to understand what it was to be a Christian.”
Heh, really, Phillips? Knowing Murphy for years, pseudo-dating him for two, and she only now gets what it is to be a Christian? Wow, nice job living your faith and being an example, Murph!
And Isis does indeed say the magic words one night, and now has Jesus on her heart.
Isis decides that she doesn’t want to beg Murphy to come back to her (smart choice!), but also decides she doesn’t want to date anyone else, even though multiple men have asked her out (you go, girl!). Isis, my friend, let me tell you something as one who has been there: when you’ve been heartlessly dumped by an asshole, nothing feels better than getting right back out there and meeting new guys.
And before long, hopefully you’ll meet the perfect man for you, who loves you for you and who isn’t a self-absorbed ass.
Fuck Murphy, babe. You are soooooo much better off without his lazy ass.
But no, Isis just prays that God “help me be honest with my feelings and not be overrun with them.”
Yeah, you know those wimmins, right, with overrunning feelings and all.
Don’t worry, Meta-Isis, you always have a home here.