Cozy Christmas: Chapter 11 and Chapter 12, Part 1

Time for the extremely exciting community project!

Okay, it is not in the least exciting.  Nor is it even cozy.  I’m starting to have flashbacks to The Edge of Darkness.  Now granted, in The Edge of Darkness, exciting events were supposed to happen all the time.  I don’t expect romance characters to be running away from crappy assassins or rolling boulders or anything, but seriously, nothing is happened in this story.

The only thing that really happens at all is some fat-shaming: see, the volunteers are meeting up at the general store/pizza shop run by a middle-aged married couple of “self-styled hippies,” Elwood and Velma Dill.  The Dills are providing free pizza for all the volunteers, but that certainly won’t stop Whitney from her sneering!

In Velma’s case, her excess weight made the [tattoo] on her arm seem a trifle distorted and Whitney hated to imagine the inked images that might be hidden beneath the loose T-shirt and jeans currently covered by the woman’s apron.

Wow, what a nice person!  (I mean Velma, of course, who is making tons of free pizza for town volunteers.)

After much time spent checking in with the couples from the other books in the series, the group heads out to string Wintermas lights at the homes of the less fortunate (which I suppose should be about seventy percent of the town these days).

As they go, Josh worries about what he always worries about: that Whitney and everyone else will find out he’s the mysterious benefactor, and they’ll be pissed.  Remembering that he is now a Christian, Josh says a general prayer for God to “help me do the right thing the right way” and “make Whitney understand.”  Which is refreshingly non-misogynistic of Josh so hey, props.

Really, just nothing happens.  They kinda almost kiss again, but it isn’t cute or sexy or charged with tension in any way.  At one point, they talk about Josh’s computers and computer games, and Whitney confirms that “You aren’t one of those guys who look at naughty pictures [online], are you?”

Love that the book has to reassure us on this point, since Josh is into (gasp!) computers.

And that is seriously it.  Stringing some Wintermas lights.  Sounds like it should be cozy, but is not.  But they’re heading to the live Bethlehem thing next time…maybe that’ll be cozy.  Maybe.


Posted on December 18, 2018, in Christmas, Cozy Christmas (In Progress). Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. I think Whitney should be more worried about Josh’s misogyny than about whether he looks at “naught pictures” online.

  2. Remember, that’s self-styled hippies, as opposed to hippies who have duly registered with the Federal Hippie Authority.

    Yeah, God, make her understand because goodness knows I’m not going to change or apologise in any way.

    What is it the Internet is for, again?

    • Yeah, pawning off the work of making Whitney understand on god when he’s personally been avoiding trying to make her understand throughout the book is real classy.

      Hey, poor little rich boy, here’s a fucking idea: Donate all your money to the people that got fired, and let them decide what to do with it. They’ll probably have better ideas than opening a pet shop, and you can openly state that you don’t have any riches worth pursuing any longer.

    • My guess is that self-styled hippies means RTCs who wear more colorful clothes.

      Also: The internet is for porn. The internet is for porn. So grab your dick and double click for porn, porn, porn!

  3. You could just leave, Josh, if your paranoia is interfering too much with the secret thrill you intended to enjoy by living among all of these people who unknowingly depend on your largesse.

  1. Pingback: Deconstruction Roundup for December 21st, 2018 | The Slacktiverse

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