Author Archives: RubyTea

TEoD: Chapter 19:

Murphy flies from Raleigh to D.C. to see Isis.  Due to his terribly hectic schedule, he only has enough time to fly up in the morning, and back down that night.  Yeah, Murph, that ONE CLASS you teach no doubt takes it out of you.

Seriously, how is this remotely plausible?  Both Murphy and Isis have jobs with very regular hours and, no doubt, a fair amount of vacation.  But he can only spend “part of the day with Isis” over the course of, what, a month at least?  Nobody’s schedule is that hectic when the live that close.  (It takes only an hour to fly, about four hours to drive between the two cities.  At the very least, you would think that Meeting Halfway and having dinner would be a regular occurrence for this couple.)

(Another parenthetical: my parents were in a long-distance relationship before they married.  And the distance between their two cities was just about exactly four hours, too.  (And they definitely couldn’t afford to fly.)  My father would frequently drive to my mom, spur of the moment, overnight or for a weekend.  Love finds a way, Murph.  That’s all I’m saying.)

(Last parenthetical: Yeah, I know this is just Phillips’ way of ensuring that our two 30-something singletons don’t ever have a chance to spend the night together and have terribly unChristian sexy times.)

Actually, speaking of love, Murphy…doesn’t.  Despite professing (at least to himself) his love for Isis several times in the last book, love doesn’t rate a mention in this chapter.  Instead, he backpedals to “begin[ning] to care for another person” and “thinking about her constantly.”

Well, constantly except for when hot Christian blonde volleyball coaches fling themselves at you, Murph.  Isis didn’t seem to be on your mind then.

On the flight, Murphy does take off his wedding ring, though.  And then he characterizes himself as “in a transition period.”  Which is a funny way to think of yourself the you’re in love with someone.

At dinner, Murphy muses over Isis’s beauty, “her petite, well-toned body,” and her perfect hairdo and perfect black dress.  Nothing but the best in models for Our Hero!

Oddly, of all the ways Phillips could go equal opportunity in these books, it is here, with Isis pulling a classic Michael Murphy Memorized Wikipedia.  They jabber on and on about Meth’s latest clue.  Murphy decides that Isis doesn’t need to know about Meth’s real identity, which is odd, because she’s accompanied him on so many Meth-inspired globe trottings.  He also rather disingenuously proclaims that he will “use any excuse I can find to see you,” which…four hours…perfectly normal schedules.

They talk about King Yamani, and seriously, this discussion lasts SEVEN PAGES.  It info-dumps us with a bunch of facts I am pretty sure we won’t need going forward, and backtracks not only Murphy, but Isis too, so we can have a better love triangle.

Isis and Murphy engage in an incredibly convoluted and annoying discussion about Yamani, touching on Greece, Egypt, Isaiah the prophet, Ethiopia, and finally back to the Ark of the Covenant and the Rod of Aaron and the Golden Jar of Manna.  Look, I read history for fun and have no problem with dense, fact-filled narratives.  But all these details mean nothing outside of context and only are being used to prove that LaHaye and Phillips skimmed Wikipedia.

Murphy deduces that the whole King Yamani thing leads to Ashdod, a port city in Israel, the Wikipedia page of which Isis has memorized.  Murphy also reveals why LaHaye and Phillips chose this city to set the story: there was a suicide bombing there in 2004 (this book came out in 2006).  Isis also knows that they won’t be in Ashdod proper, but in the original location of the city, which is a couple of miles away.

From there, Murphy segues into how he keeps confirming the truth of the Bible again and again, and Isis backpedals so she can spout genera-why-I’m-not-a-Christian platitudes that RTCs think nonbelievers think:

“I sort of believe there is a God.  Everything we see couldn’t just pop into being without a Creator.”

“All that faith stuff seems to work for you but not for me.  Jesus appears to be a nice person, a great teacher, and a wonderful example.  But to believe he is God is a big leap of faith.”

Quite a leap, speaking of, from the Isis of the first book, the one who grew up steeped in the religious traditions of hundreds of other cultures, who found beauty and comfort in the myths and legends of all peoples.  But nope, let’s just turn her into Strawman NonChristian.

Not to mention that this is coming from a woman who has literally walked on Noah’s Ark and seen the Writing on the Wall.  And now she’s noncommittally talking about Jesus being a nice guy?  I mean, it makes sense for me to be a nonbeliever—I’ve never seen any of this stuff.  But Phillips is acting like the world he has spent so much effort (her) crafting in the last two books doesn’t even exist.

And instead of citing the actual physical evidence that Isis has seen and touched, all Murphy does is quote the Gospel of John at her, and say that since she is such an “avid reader” (he makes it sound like Isis is a middle-schooler who reads the Twilight novels, not a multiple-Ph.D.-holding researcher), she can “enjoy searching this out for yourself.”

Look, Murph, I’ve read the Bible.  So, I’m sure, has Isis.  We just don’t believe that every book of mythology we read is 100% factual, just because it says it is.

All is forgiven and forgotten, though, when Isis drops Murphy at the airport for his ridiculous, same-day flight, and they kiss.  So I guess yoking oneself with unbelievers is only a bad thing if you get to second base.

Which Murphy does not.

 

 

TEoD: Chapter 18: Meth is Meth

Presumably the next day (but who knows?), Murphy gets a call from Levi Abrams.  Levi invites him out for lunch, Levi’s treat, and the following groan-inducing conversation takes place:

“How about [I treat you to lunch at] the Shaw Towers Dining Room?  I’m working on some security issues with the owners there and part of our deal is free lunches for me and any guests.”

“Aha, now I understand your generous offer to treat.”

“You know I was born in Israel,” said Abrams, and they both laughed.

HAHAHAHA, cheap Jews, amirite???  It’s okay, Phillips—you might be a Christian, but you’re putting your antisemitic joke into the mouth of your only Jewish character, so it’s totes okay!

Actually, it’s not.  Sarah Silverman, you ain’t.

Levi has invited Murphy to Jewish Free Lunch so he can reveal the exciting information of Methuselah’s true identity.  So during his class, instead of focusing on his students, Murph goes over in his mind everything he knows about Meth.  It’s just the stuff we already know about the cackling laugh, which every person who has ever met Meth has mentioned in that exact way, but now Phillips throws in that Meth has a tongue-clicking habit, which I don’t remember reading about until just now.

Before even revealing the guy’s name, Levi gives Murphy Meth’s backstory: he has American, Israeli, and Taiwanese citizenships, and survived a plane bombing in 1980 that killed his wife and three kids.  Levi know a bizarre number of details about the crash, and even Murphy remembers hearing about it, which also seems a tad odd.  It doesn’t seem to terribly much matter anyway, since Meth and his family were innocent passengers, not the intended targets of the terrorism.

Anyway, FINALLY we learn that Meth is one Markus Methuselah Zasso.

Yep, that’s right: Methuselah’s name IS ACTUALLY METHUSELAH.

That is pathetic.  I mean, first of all, why would Meth use his own name, even his middle name, when he taunts the professor he likes to taunt and give clues to artifacts to?  And why would this not be the first line of research that Murphy/the FBI/Levi Abrams followed?  There can’t be too many men in the U.S. who have the kind of resources needed for this who ALSO HAPPEN TO BE NAMED METHUSELAH.

(It’s also bizarre, and I wonder what LaHaye and Phillips will make of this, that Zasso is an Italian name.  Murphy underlines this point, in fact.  And since the only other Italian I can think of in the LaHaye oeuvre is my poor woobie Leon Fortunato, I can’t help but feel that A LOT more will be made of this.  After all, we’ve had “cheap Jew” jokes, so we might as well throw some Italian stereotypes into the mix.)

Murphy actually wonders about Meth being named…well, Meth.  And Phillips can’t come up with a very good reason, either.  (Again, why even BOTHER making this his real name?  It’s just a biblical alias he chose!)  The best Phillips can do is that Meth’s grandfather was a missionary to China and Meth’s father was born in China and so…Meth is named Meth.

Instead of, yanno, David or Paul or Aaron or Adam or Michael or Jacob or Peter or Seth or ANY OF THE OTHER PERFECTLY REASONABLE BOY NAMES FROM THE BIBLE, Daddy decided to saddle an innocent baby with the name Methuselah.

No wonder Meth is a bit screwy in the head.  Allegedly.

Levi has also discovered that one of Meth’s many homes is in Myrtle Beach, which I actually visited a few times as a kid, so when Murphy inevitably confronts Meth there, at least he can brush up on his mad mini golf skillz.

Meth is surrounded by at least six armed guards at all times, even when he’s relaxing on the beach, but Levi hilariously opines that Murphy can still “get real close to him” because he has “the element of surprise.”  Because the element of surprise always works when an unarmed civilian wants to “get real close” to a heavily-guarded, insanely wealthy man.  I mean, it’s not like Murphy is planning an infiltration and kidnapping or anything—he just wants to talk to the guy.  How does “the element of surprise” even enter into this?  I just doubt that all of the SIX armed guards will be surprised that Some Guy wants to chat with their boss.  They probably deal with that every day.

Sigh.

Murphy wusses out of any immediate confrontation with Meth, since he has “a few things to do first.”  But he inexplicably looks forward to meeting Meth, so he can “put an end to the life-threatening bouts.”

Hey, Murph?  Here’s an idea: if you want to put an end to the life-threatening bouts, JUST STOP GOING TO THEM.  Meth has always INVITED you to them, and you have ALWAYS gone.  If you’re so concerned, JUST STOP GOING.  There has never been the slightest hint that Meth has or would ever force the issue.

I mean, geez, Phillips, at least keep your own character motivation straight!

 

 

TEoD: Chapter 17: Ruby Recommends

So Murphy and Wagoner head out to one of the tent revivals.  J.B. Solstad’s Faith in God Crusade.  They get directed to park in a field like it’s the Ren Fest or something, and wander with hundreds of others into the tent.

Interestingly, though Wagoner was most concerned initially about the faith healing aspect of this, the signs leading to the tent inform us that J.B. also deals in Blab It and Grab It theology, as well as the psychobabble Christianese self-help of the kind generally preached by Rick Warren.

Murphy and Wagoner chat a bit about these various claims, in a bizarrely stilted manner that makes it sound like they know they’re being recorded:

“I don’t think that Solstad’s message is completely legitimate.”

“He seems to have the ability to draw large crowds.”

The revival starts off with some singing, which lasts a HALF-HOUR.  Jesus.  Sounds exhausting.  Then Sonstad appears with a flourish of music and smoke machine smoke.  He preaches for another half-hour, and I guess we’ll have to take Phillips’ word for it that the sermon “was similar to almost any minister with a radio program or a pastor in a local church,” since we don’t get to read a word of it.

Then we finally get to the faith healing.  With mentions of Blab It and Grab It and “special angels that will minister to your needs” in the same paragraph.

So at least now we know why Murphy preached on angels in his biblical archaeology class—so we readers would know that Sonstad is “distorting the truth.”

Said Sonstad warms up the crowd by telling an admittedly-ridiculous tale of a man in the previous town he visited, who had a bunch of cavities, which were miraculous healed by being filled with gold “from the heavenly city—where the streets are paved with gold.”

Apparently, everyone in the crowd but Murphy and Wagoner buy this:

“Why didn’t God just put the enamel back in his teeth?”

At this stupid story, a bunch of people start running around, then running out of the tent.  This is as bizarre to Murphy as it is to me, so he goes to investigate.  Outside the tent he sees that merchandise tables have been set up for after the meeting.  BLASPHEMY!  For when has any preacher sold books or other merchandise???

So, having discovered absolutely nothing, Murphy heads back to his seat, and watches as a man named Clyde with kidney problems is called to the stage by word from the LORD (via Sonstad), and then is HEAL-AHHD in the usual manner of being shoved backwards in a trust fall, into the waiting arms of the healer’s minions.

Wagoner recognizes the guy, because ole Clyde just started attending his church.  So I guess we’ll learn more about Clyde’s kidney problems (or lack thereof) soon enough.

Then an offering is taken.  This is presented as a bad thing, because real churches and legit preachers would NEVER ask for money from hardworking common folk, right?

More trust falls, more HEEEE-AH-LING, and that’s the end of that.

Yanno, for two men as Strong in the Faith as Murphy and Wagoner, they have utterly failed to do anything or even find our anything about the supposed fraud of this guy.  They sat around like everyone else, and Murphy saw the march tables (which, of course, are hardly a secret).  Did they do ANY research before coming here?  Like look into this guy’s background, and maybe do some reading on fraudulent healing techniques and how to spot them?  Nope, they’ve just decided to rely on vague feelings and intuition:

“I’d like to see a doctor verify that healing.”

“I think there’s more here than meets the eye.  Something’s not quite right.”

“…my gut tells me this whole program is not on the level.”

“Yeah, jeepers, if only we’d thought to investigate this more than not even a little bit.”

Probably too little, too late, but the Christian Scoobies decide to follow Sonstad’s limo after the show.  I have no idea what they expect to accomplish by doing this…and apparently, neither do our heroes.  They try, though, and manage to follow the limo for  ten whole seconds before being two SUVs box Murph’s car and force him to stop.  A bunch of angry dudes get out and start rocking Murphy’s car.  Yeah, they don’t take no guff from anyone who would dare look at their merchandise tables before the show is over!

Silly intimidation over with, the Scoobies decide to come back to the next show.  After all,  they accomplished so much the first time!

And, after that trip to boredom, Ruby has a much better source of fictional faith healers: Leap of Faith, with Steve Martin.  Recommended!

TEoD: Chapter 16: Wicca Witch

Later that afternoon, after musing on the horrors of Dean Archer Fallworth and the beauty of the Mysterious Beautiful Blonde, Murphy…meets up with Fallworth and the Mysterious Beautiful Blonde.

He does so at the Student Center, where he has stopped for a strawberry lemonade.

Sometimes it was good to just be alone and relax.

Yeah, it’s these deep insights into human nature that make Phillips the genius that he is.  Also, Professor, what have I told you about splitting your infinitives?

Fallworth descends upon Our Hero and derides him for teaching “poppycock.”  Ooo, such language, Fallworth!

“‘Poppycock.’ That’s a pretty big word for you, Archer.  Do you know how to spell it too?”

That’s our hero, ladies and gentlemen!  Reduced to the insults of a fifth-grader after one sentence.

(Also, how does Murphy get away with speaking to the Dean of Arts and Sciences that way?  Seriously, man, WTF?)

Fallworth did not acknowledge the comment but went right on talking.

So the villain is more mature than the hero…and we’re in the fourth book of the series now.  If you hoped for any character development, folks, sorry to disappoint.

Fallworth accuses Murphy (in the same argument they have in every book) of promoting a Christian viewpoint.  Specifically, he references the class on angels, which…well, yeah, Murphy, what does that have to do with biblical archaeology?

Murph immediately responds with Fox News talking points and ups his game to middle-school insults:

“Have you given up on freedom of speech for everyone except you and those who think like you?  It’s only your atheistic views that must be accepted and not those of someone who believes in a Creator?  Did you hear about the dial-a-prayer for atheists?  You dial a number and no one answers.  I was going to be an atheist, Archer, but I gave up.  They don’t have any holidays.”

Fallworth, of course, takes the word “atheist” as a straight-up insult, rather than as a statement of fact, since he’s written by a Christian author.  So he identifies himself as an agnostic.  Nothing doing, though, since Murphy characterizes agnosticism as “a life of ignorance and uncertainty” that is “pretty lame.”

Or, one could characterize it as an acceptance of the fact that we don’t know everything.  Or point out that uncertainty is more intellectually honest than believing in something absolutely because it makes one feel better.

Anyway, Murphy segues into a rant about how our oldest universities started out as theological schools, and how it sucks that they aren’t anymore.  And, despite the fact that Fallworth has never in four books advocated for anything of the kind, Murphy chides him for wanting courses on Greek mythology and “the beauties of being a Wicca witch with white magic.”

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but Michael Murphy…is a little bit weird.  Also, more than a bit paranoid.

Perhaps realizing that he’s starting to sound like a crazy man, Murphy downshifts back to middle school insults.

“Do you know why atheists and agnostics cannot find God?  They can’t find him for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.  They don’t want to.”

Um, okay?

Hilariously, as Archer stalks away, Phillips informs us of what really just happened:

He would use pointed humor to throw his opponent off balance, and then support his argument with a more serious line of reasoning.

Ah, so that’s what just happened.  And I could have sworn it was a grown man behaving like a petulant, bigoted preteen.

(btw, just so we, the stupid readers, get that Fallworth is a bad guy here are the words used to describe him during this mere three-page exchange: “pallid,” “walking mummy,” “vampire,” and “ashen.”  Because, as we all know, pale people are evil.)

That settled, the Mysterious Beautiful Blonde shows up.  She introduces herself as Summer Van Doren, new women’s volleyball coach, and thus way sexier than a redhead academic.  She’s been randomly dropping in on classes to “get oriented to the campus.”  Um, that’s nice?

In a mutual display of professionalism and discretion, Summer asks about the exchange she just saw between Fallworth and Murphy, and Murphy obligingly sneers that Fallworth “doesn’t like anything that has to do with Christianity.”  Summer thinks that’s “good to know,” since she’s a Christian.  So she’ll know to avoid the Dean of Arts and Sciences when she forces the volleyball players to attend Bible study, I guess.

She’s even attended Preston Community Church a few times, and reveals that she has seen Murphy there.

Murphy finds nothing objectionable about any of this.  After all, looks determine morality.  Fallworth, the pale skinny guy, is evil, and Summer, the Nordic beauty, is perfect.

(Nor, of course, does Murphy spare even one thought for Isis, the woman he claims to love.)

So, what a guy Murphy is, eh?

TEoD: Chapter 15: Good Angels

Back in class again, Murphy reflects on how much he loves teaching (so much that he avoids it whenever possible).

Word of mouth had made the class size increase every year.

I bet.  What was it Dean Archer Fallworth told us the students called the class?  “Jesus for Jocks.”  Murphy does know he’s teaching the easiest of the Easy A’s, right?

Speaking of Fallworth, Murphy again inwardly sneers at his article.

Anyone who published a paper on “Button Materials of the Eighteenth-Century Georgia Plantations” needed to get a life.

Seriously?  Get a life?  What are you, one of your very own Jocks for Jesus?  A life as a published academic and dean of faculty.  What a sucker that Fallworth is!

Btw, pal, when were you last published?  Methinks Indiana Murph over here doth protest too much.

Arriving in his lecture hall, Murphy jokes around with some students, who I’m sure laugh uproariously because they know this is a guy who grades entirely on emotion.  Speaking of, the mysterious blonde from last time comes to class again.  She’s not carrying a notebook or computer or anything, and every male in the class, including Murphy, is so blindsided by this gorgeous being that they can’t concentrate.  What was that about professionalism and needing a life, Murph?  Also, I thought you were in love with a redhead in Washington.  My, doesn’t take too much to turn this Christian’s head.

Murph provides a very basic PowerPoint slide on “Good Angels” in the Bible, with helpful tidbits about the blessed beings:

  • Angels do not get married to each other

  • There are a great number of angels

Wow, incredibly fascinating!  So much so, in fact, that the “striking blonde” ditches between slides.  Thus Murphy feels “the sting of disappointment” even though, not to belabor the point, but he is supposed to be in love with Isis.  In fact, as he warns the students about a quiz next week, his thoughts are still on her.  The blonde, not Isis.

Professional!

TEoD: Chapter 14: Scrooge McArk

So this flashback chapter is a bit odd—it doesn’t have anything to do with our old pal, Daniel, and instead recounts the events in the lesser-known (to me, anyway) book of I Samuel.  If you’d like to know what it’s all about, you can check out I Samuel 4, but it’s about the Israelites and Philistines going to war near the town of Ebenezer…

giphy

…and the Philistines trucking the Ark of the Covenant hither and yon to bring them luck.  Now, I’m not saying that every story has to be as recognizable as Noah’s Ark or Daniel in the lions’ den or even the Handwriting on the Wall, but honestly…does anyone, even the most loyal of RTC readers, care about this story.  I listen to Christian radio a fair amount, and I have never heard mention of this stuff.

But in the hands of a master storyteller like Phillips, I’m sure it will all become clear.

TEoD: Chapter 13: Talon? Who’s That?

Phillips takes over four and a half pages to tell us a little story about Talon breaking into the Parchments of Freedom Foundation, killing three guards, and stealing the tail end of the bronze serpent that Murphy and Isis found.  They are four and a half incredibly boring pages that don’t tell us anything we don’t already know.  We don’t even get a real character glimpse of the doomed guards, especially since they never even see Talon or his falcons coming.

Anyway, Isis calls Murphy the next morning, and tells him what happened.

“One [guard] was killed in the parking lot.  It was terrible.  His throat and neck had been ripped to pieces.  The coroner said it looked like some animal had done it.  He even found some feathers around the body.”

“Talon.”

“What?”

“It sounds like the work of Talon.  He uses his pet falcons to do his dirty work for him.  That’s where he got his name.”

“Yes, dear, and you might remember him from those three times he tried to kill you and  that other time he ambushed us on that boat and I used you as bait.”

But Isis is not a multi-degreed polyglot who once single-handedly rescued a little girl from a gang of kidnappers in a sewer…she is just A Girl, so it makes sense that Murphy would have to explain to her, in BOOK FOUR, who the primary villain is.

Murphy’s heart hurt to think that Talon could kill Isis like he did Laura.  He knew that would be unbearable.

Yeah, probably to Isis, too.  Since she would be the one who was murdered.

Which brings up a point I have made multiple times in the past: Murphy and Isis are people who it would probably be easy for a mass murderer to kill if he wanted to.  Murphy, especially, isn’t at a job that features security guards in the same building as him all the time, so I might be tempted, were I them, to conclude that if I am still alive, it is because Talon wants it that way.

But Murphy, protective pretend-boyfriend that he is, sagely urges Isis to not “take any chances.”  Gee, thanks, Murph, wouldn’t have thought of that without you!

(Okay, in all fairness, he also tells her not to go out alone, to carry her phone all the time, and to invest in a weapon.  Though in all all fairness, if I was Isis and had been almost killed thrice by a serial killer, I would probably have done all these things long ago.)

And this silly little chapter concludes with the information that Murphy is now feeling “uneasy.”  Because his feelings about Isis being possibly in danger are far more important than Isis’s feelings about possibly being in danger.

TEoD: Chapter 12: Recap Steakhouse

As you might remember, Levi Abrams got back in touch with Murphy after being shot and subsequently disappearing.  So now Murphy is meeting Levi for the first time in months at the “Out West Steak House“…

Wait.

Seriously, Phillips.  SERIOUSLY???

Dude, you are not even trying anymore.  If you ever did.

So Murphy meets Levi at the Outback Steakhouse Out West Steak House, and despite the huge lawsuit that must no doubt be ripping the place apart, they sit down to a peaceful dinner of discussing terrorists and shootings.

Since Levi can’t remember anything about the encounter from the end of The Europa Conspiracy, Phillips gets a chance to recount the entire thing.

The only thing Levi really knows is that Murphy saved his life.

“You know what that means?  According to Asian tradition, you now become my servant for the rest of your life.”

Asian tradition?  SERIOUSLY, NOW?

I think Phillips is confusing “Asian tradition” with the Wookie life debt.

Anyway, the only new stuff we learn is that Murphy successfully crawled out of whatever with Levi, and found firefighters who in turn called an ambulance and got the two idiots to a hospital.  There, Murphy was taken off and questioned by the Mossad, and by the time he got back to Levi, he was gone.

Which, to be perfectly fair, does absolve Murphy from failing to find and get in touch with Levi until now.  Though, to be perfectly fair, the way Phillips wrote it did make it seem like Murphy had just blown him off.

So Levi was carted off to “a special hospital that very few people in Israel know about.”  It was so special, in fact, that he couldn’t communicate with anyone while he was there.  Sometimes I think Phillips forgets that Greg Dinallo told us that Levi had a wife and kid in Babylon Rising, because there is no mention of them here, nor mention from Murphy about getting in touch with them to find out about Levi and/or tell them what he knew.  Anyway, we actually get some information on timeline stuff here: after Levi “recovered” in the “special hospital,” he was sent to a safe house in South America, “where I remained out of circulation for about sixty days until things quieted down.”  And he is just now back.

So it’s been well over two months since the events in The Europa Conspiracy, which means it has been that long since Murphy has seen or spoken to Isis, the woman he professes to love.  Nice guy.

And just as with Isis, Murphy can barely recount to Levi the events that Levi can’t remember before he gets to the important stuff: what Murphy wants.

And what Murphy wants is for Levi to check that fingerprint of Meth’s for him, since the FBI came up empty.  Which, of course, he agrees to do, since the Mossad has “access to lots of fingerprints.”  And because nobody can say “no” to Michael Murphy.

Especially when they owe him their Wookie life debt.

 

TEoD: Chapter 11: Back with Shane…Again

It’s kind of funny to recycle titles like Back with Shane…but almost sad in a way, since this is the last time we’ll be Back with Shane, since this is the last book.

And DAMN but Phillips is lazy.  After being re-introduced to Shane’s driver, Eugene, Phillips just gives us a flashback to Shane learning that Stephanie has been killed.

So he knows The Seven (They’ll Stop at Nothing!) are the ones who had Stephanie killed, and that they had Talon do it, but he also kinda knows he can’t do anything about it, so once again, he bitches in his head about the tongue-free driver and the spookiness of The Seven’s castle in Switzerland.

This would be the perfect place to film a horror movie.  [Shane thinks]

Wow, you’re deep, Shane.

The Seven have dragged Shane all the way to Switzerland to give him a press release to…release.  It’s about the World Unity Summit, a “historic conference” hosted by one “Dr. Constantine De La Rosa, founder of the Religious Harmony Institute based in Rome, Italy.

Naturally, we must now begin guessing whether Constantine is Nicolae Carpathia (probably the most likely choice), Leon Fortunato, or even Peter Mathews.

This will hinge, of course, on how much Constantine looks like a young Robert Redford.

Anyway, this whole World Unity Summit is full of all sorts of things that would make RTCs like Michael Murphy and Rayford Steele cringe and cry, like “unity in the midst of diversity,” “peace and security for all peoples,” “striving to heal the earth environmentally,” and “discouraging of groups who stress discrimination with regard to sexual preference, race, or age.”

Now don’t get me wrong.  Some of the ideas expressed in this little press release are so vague as to be meaningless.  Still, though, I’m looking forward to Michael Murphy crying in a corner about environmentalism and lack of discrimination.

Anyway, Shane kinda sneers at the whole idea, and The Seven tell him that either he uses Barrington News Network and all its outlets to promote this thing, or he dies.

And, as usual…that’s it.  They once again made Shane fly all the way to Switzerland for a conversation that would take ten minutes.  I get that they want to show their power and money and make Shane hop to, but it still seems like a waste of their time.

 

 

TEoD: Chapter 10: Diner Dive

Murphy heads off to the diner to see Pastor Bob, just like he went off to the diner to see Pastor Bob in the previous books.  And once again, we learn again that the diner is old-fashioned and features a fat waitress named Rosanne.  (HA!  It’s funny because she’s fat!)  (At least according to LaHaye and Phillips.)

And she waddles.  Because of course she does.

And good to know that Pastor Bob hasn’t changed a bit, either.  Paunch, slacks and polo shirt, golf.  Gotcha.  And the men order what they order each and every time.  Because new experiences are scary for the world-traveling archaeologist, I guess.

Anyway, Bob, the PASTOR OF THE CHURCH, has contacted Murphy, one of his parishioners, for advice on a spiritual matter.  Yep, that’s how wise and spiritual Murphy is—his own pastor needs his advice.

On faith healing, of all things.  See, there’s a new faith healer in town, a tent evangelist by the name of J.B. Sonstad.  Bob finds the man “disturbing,” because he does the ole “Yes, Lord?  There’s a lady named Gloria in row B who suffers from irritable bowel syndrome. Be HEAL-AHD, Gloria!”

“I don’t think that is how God works.  Do you have any thoughts?”

This is the PASTOR.  Fishing for assistance with a rival preacher from one of his parishioners.

Murphy thinks this whole faith healing thing is “some kind of put-up job.”

giphy

What now?

And he opines that ole J.B. might be some sorta end-times false prophet, like my woobie, Leon Fortunato.

So they decide to go to one of the ten revivals in person to check it out.

Also, Bob is concerned because he’s heard rumors that “some of the young people might be experimenting with the occult.  You know, things like using a Ouija board and table tipping.”

Table tipping, really?  That’s still a thing?  I mean, wasn’t that the hot thing with the young folks back in the days of Harry Houdini?

I guess it’s still a thing, though, because Murphy “witnessed” it in college.  (Or course he only witnessed it, and didn’t participate.  I can just picture a 20-year-old Murphy, sipping a lemonade and giving the stinkeye to giggling friends doing magic tricks.)

Murphy found it “eerie,” and at the time, dismissed it all as “crazy” and “some type of trick.”  Now older and wiser and with “a lot more experience with ancient gods and pagan worship,” he thinks that “some of the things are fake and some of them may be real.”

Hmmm…could it be…

giphy1

Yes, that’s right: with age and experience has come the realization that there are evil spirits out there, tipping tables and releasing ghosts with Ouija boards.

Bob expresses a desire to “nip this in the bud,” since “people are beginning to ask questions” (HORRORS!!) and as a pastor, he never thought he’d be called upon to answer people’s questions about spiritual matters.  That’s what random parishioners are for!  Good thing Murphy, the true expert on God, is around to handle such things.

Granted, neither man has the slightest idea how to “nip this in the bud,” so they just cut the scene with a joke about Roseanne and table tipping—she wants a 20% tip.

HA!