Soon: Chapter 22: Thyatira’s
It sure is a good thing that the world of Soon has direct 1:1 Biblical correlations so that Paul always knows exactly what’s going on:
Paul had been carefully studying the New Testament, Revelation in particular, the last sixty to ninety minutes before falling asleep each night. He thought about the parallels Straight had drawn between the churches of Revelation and the major population centers of the USSA. If there was any question about which ancient church correlated with Las Vegas, it was dispelled by Paul’s destination: Thyatira’s.
And Paul didn’t even have to get far into Revelation at all to get to the right part–isn’t that lucky!!
And to the angel of the church in Thyatira write, “These things says the Son of God, who has eyes like a flame of fire, and His feet like fine brass:
I know your works, love, service, faith, and your patience; and as for your works, the last are more than the first.
Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and beguile My servants to commit sexual immorality and to eat things sacrificed to idols.
And I gave her time to repent of her sexual immorality, and she did not repent.
Indeed I will cast her into a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of their deeds.
And I will kill her children with death. And all the churches shall know that I am He who searches the minds and hearts. And I will give to each one of you according to your works.”
-Revelation 2: 18-23
Yanno, in under a month, I will be starting in on ‘Twas the Night Before, Jenkins’ “parable,” with a heroine named Noella Wright, the Ms. Right of the hero, and a lady who was born at Christmastime. BUT THAT IS NOT EXACTLY CLEVER WHEN THIS DAMN NAME THING HAPPENS ALL THE DAMN TIME, DAMMIT!
I know you’ll be shocked and surprised to read this after the Bible quote above, but the proprietor of the casino called Thyatira’s is named…Jezebel.
Thyatira’s was the largest casino hotel in the world with more than six thousand guest rooms and a main floor with more acres of gambling paraphernalia than any two other establishments combined.
Research fail. THERE ARE ALREADY HOTELS IN LAS VEGAS BIGGER THAN THAT OH MY GAWD THIS TOOK ME FIVE SECONDS TO DISCOVER THIS ISN’T EVEN HARD.
(Picture from Wikipedia)
Paul goes to interrogate Jezebel because he has heard that she knows about Jonah. He is extraordinarily rude with her in light of both her motivations and the vast amount of information she ends up giving him.
“It’s known that [Jonah] uses so-called legal prostitutes for his rituals, and no one employs more than you do.” [Paul said]
“Don’t say ‘so-called,’ Agent Stepola. Everything in my place is legal and aboveboard.” [Jezebel said]
It’s so cute the way newly-righteous Paul tries to make her feel guilty about something that is completely legal, and about which Paul himself would have had no reservations at all A MERE THREE MONTHS AGO.
Notwithstanding his arrogant, smarmy, confrontational attitude, Jezebel opens up about everything. She hates Jonah for luring her employees away for rituals that ended up killing them (go figure). She reveals Jonah’s real name, which is Morty Bagdona, which Jenkins apparently came up with for the sole purpose of nicknaming him Morty Bagadonuts.
Yup. Morty Bag-of-Donuts.
Jezebel also tells Paul of her suspicion that Morty really believes in his cult, and it’s not just some scam.
(Though, if Morty doesn’t believe it’s real, the point of it is a bit beyond me. Jezebel calls it his “gravy train,” but where’s the gravy?)
But here comes the infuriating bit:
“Ma’am, did you lose somebody [in the rituals]?” [asked Paul]
Jezebel actually teared up. She tried to speak but just held up two fingers.
“You lost two?”
She nodded and reached for a tissue from her desk. “I told them and told them not to get swept up in it. Most of my girls, far as I know, don’t even do drugs. Or if they do, it’s only recreational. First sign of a junkie, they’re out of here.”
Actually. She actually teared up because her employees died.
Wow. It’s almost as if this evil atheist casino proprietor has feelings. It’s almost as though she cares about others.
And then, to top it all off, Jezebel reveals that Morty is staying at the Babylon.
Because they’re evil atheists and it’s almost the end of the world.
AND THEN, Jezebel gives Paul the names of several employees of hers who are currently missing and might be with Jonah.
Paul, of course, does not drop Jezebel so much as a perfunctory “thank you” for her MASSIVE amount of help in his case.